I'm drowning...

So I guess yesterday's post didn't really explain what was going on at school and why my reaction was the way it was. While I don't totally feel comfortable explaining what some of my kids were doing and have been doing out at recess what I will tell you is that it's absolutely shocking and completely unacceptable. It's taking bullying to a level I never thought 11/12 years were capable of. The things the say to each other are not how people, let alone kids, should be talking to each other. This whole issue has really pushed on me, and has really caused me to struggle with being their teacher. I'm feeling lost and affected by this confusion. Despite my conscious awareness of my abilities, I've been feeling like maybe this is too much... Like I took wayyyyy too big of a bite and can't chew through it. I hate. HATE. HATE. feeling this way. This isn't me at all. I'm very capable and I just need to get through this tough patch. It's how I get through it that matters. Having the support of my family and friends has been so wonderful and I can't thank the other interns enough for today but at the end of the day it has to come from me. It has to be my drive, my passion and my abilities that get me to the next day. Something I took from a coach was the idea that we can only control our controllables. While at the time it felt ironic since she was trying to control us but now I've learned it is some of the best advice I've ever been given. I cannot control the outliers in my class, I can try to help them and teach them to the best of my abilities but at the end of the day I cannot control them. Nor do I really want to, it's more that I want to be rid of that awful behavior. I know there are good kids inside of them, I just don't know how to find those kids again. I'm just feeling like this 3 day weekend is definitely coming at the right time...