Pain is temporary

Except when it’s not. Poor Scott today was dying of a toothache. Like dying of a toothache. I just felt so bad for him, knowing how hard it is to focus when you’re in extreme pain. I hated leaving him knowing how much pain he was in. But that’s how Thursdays go… I leave when I leave to go further my learning.

The one thing about today that was weird was that we ran into an issue over cheating versus using resources. Our kids were taking a vocab assessment and two of the words were up on the wall. I didn’t want them to use them because I would see it as cheating, which I don’t tolerate at all. Scott saw it as using their resources…. While I can understand his idea, it was very black and white for me. Just like my brother, there are some things that I just see one way or another. Yes or no. Right or Wrong. This one I saw as cheating or honesty. No matter how much I want to see it his way. I just can't. I don't like cheaters...

Talk back Smack Back

No I didn’t hit the kids but I did get talked back to… And it was annoying…I totally feel like I need to apologize to my parents for ever talking back… Anyways, my child for my child study was here today so I had to watch him. I went to art class with the kids and it was so much fun. It was nice to see them in a different light. They were definitely able to express themselves differently and wholly all at the same time. I know that sounds weird but I knew we had artists in our class I just had never seen them in this way before. I really got to understand their talents in a different way. We came back and got down to work on our expedition. The talk back smack down came along right before class when I announced who would be in homework club… One girl who we shall call “Penny” after I called her name immediately began to protest claiming she had “done” her homework and I said, “well, you didn’t quite finish it so we need to work to finish it” and she needless to say didn’t agree with me. I simply said everyone in the class knows, if you don’t finish it for when it’s due then you come in and finish it.” Nothing like a pre-teen verbal battle to get your day going. Anyways when lunch came around, I had literally just made my soup when all the kids came streaming in… 10 minutes, they ate their lunch in 10 minutes. So I had to run homework club AND eat lunch at the same time… utter chaos… Later when we had transitioned into math… Scott and I, well, we got the major giggles… Long story short, we’re little kids who get the giggles just like anyone else and the kids have pretty much realized we’re crazy… We can’t hide it from them anymore.. We’re CRAZY. And it’s fun. It’s nice to feel so comfortable in the work place. It makes me realize how important the work community is and if you don’t like your co-workers then it can be really hard to stay happy with your job….

Sometimes it just takes a little magic…

And sometimes it’s just being an awesome teacher! The kids headed off to music like most Mondays and we had a teeny tiny meeting… The cool part about the meeting was that the soldier who was here on Friday offered to let us be a part of his reenactment battles FOR FREE…It would be an awesome opportunity but it may be too hard for us to squeeze into the schedule. In crew the kids continue to share their red rocks’ stories and began to publish them. Scott and I decided the ones that had good craftsmanship and were fun would be put up around Red Rocks’ bowl. From there we transitioned into a Socratic seminar/ circle to discuss Ebenezer and it was cool to see the kids try to understand this ancient version of conversation. They worked well together and were able to all speak their minds. At lunch we, the 5th grade rebels, decided to go to Atlanta bread co… it was so nice… I truly love this crew. The 5th grade team is just so awesome… I am so into working with them…. The after lunch I ran a few reading groups and we transitioned into math. Math was cut short by our new district enforced ELD or English language development block. It was weird to switch kids and then teach basically a giant reading group but I guess it’s a new part of our routine…

Best part of the day: setting up Netflix for my TV… BALLER

Changes lead to Greatness

I've been thinking a lot about all of the changes that have happened in my life since May. This weird feeling of reflection comes from me finding my new years resolutions for this year in my room at my parent's house. I realized for the first time in my life I not only have stayed true to all of them, but I feel like they are all great stepping stones to my future. They were as follows:
1) stay in shape all year long
2) have a good end of college
3) not worry about the future, take everything one day at a time
4) not to be afraid to fail
5) to not let the little things bug me

And yes, some of them I have not been so good at lately (#4 & 5) But I'm realizing that my worrying and my fear of failure helps to motivate me to do better. My future is an uncontrollable force, sure I make choices that change the direction of it often but I have no idea what God has in store for me 5 years from now, 10 years from now... I can only hope I'm headed in the right direction. With my birthday quickly approaching, I'm finding that my reflections solidify my non-belief in regret and help me realize that no matter what happened in the past I am a better person today than I was yesterday. The last year of my life, has had its major ups and downs. From field hockey not being what I expected out of my senior season, to school being so hard I wanted to transfer with one semester left to moving out and living on my own, feeling a huge sense of independence once again. My ups and downs of 22 have been noticeable and significant for me in every way. But i wouldn't change one thing. My self perceived failures academically lead me to passing my senior thesis and comps with flying colors; something I never thought possible. My failed final season has made me realize how important it is to be a positive teacher and coach. To find the little positive things and praise them in my kids, no matter HOW much they bother me... One positive thing could make a difference whereas one negative thing could drag the whole train off the tracks. My personal relationships have been a struggle and have forced me to once again realize that I'm a totally unique person and that I'm not the easiest to be around. But it doesn't matter, I am who I am and I was reminded of a quote by Dr. Seuss that a close friend shared with me: "be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"... Is there anything more true? I'm awesome, get the memo and if you don't... well it's your loss. NOT mine.

Failure is a big deal for me, I constantly worry about failing... Failing my family, failing my friends, failing at my job, failing at being an adult... Especially this last year failure has lived on my shoulders. It comes from a fear that no matter how awesome I am, I am not enough. I hate feeling that because I raised in an amazing family where all my weird quirks were accepted as normal. My parents constantly remind me of how I used to sing to myself in front of the dishwasher and no one questioned it. It's not about being perfect because no one is, it's about being the best that I can be.... at all times. I constantly work to push that voice of failure out of my head because, I think I'm doing a pretty good job so far at being an adult. And sure, I go home a lot but I chose to live in the same city as my parents because family is important to me. If I could somehow move Connecticut closer to Colorado so I could see my brother, his wife and my nephew more I would in a heartbeat. Their support reminds me that there is no failure, only societies definitions of "not regular"or "not enough". Dad always told us life is not a race, but rather a journey and if you're ok with your journey then you're doing alright.

A lot of this reflection comes from me trying to "figure out" what kind of teacher I am. Part of the reason why I'm struggling with this "what kind of teacher I am" concept is because I don't see myself as a teacher.I only just graduated from college. I am a life learner. Much like my brother Tommy, I don't believe learning ever stops... And granted I'm not headed down the same route as him (check him out here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=guGoMRkXYvs) but I love the idea that we never stop learning. There is no due date for personal knowledge. So how can I see myself as a teacher when I'm learning every second. Everyday is an opportunity for a new lesson.... Maybe that's my gift? Maybe that's the kind of teacher I am? I hope that everyday my kids learn at least one new thing... Is that a kind of teacher? Is it ok to not know everything? Yes, and I hope that makes me a better teacher....

I've decided that with my birthday in 5 days I will write some additions to my resolutions that will carry until my birthday next year... And they would be the following:
1) never stop learning
2) remind yourself that you are amazing even when you feel like curling up and crying, it's ok, cause you're still awesome
3) sing all the time because it makes you happy even when it's a song you can't remember all the lyrics to
4) never stop trying... when you give up, the sun doesn't shine and the world stops moving... Even failure can teach you a lesson, so try try try....

It was Scott-Free day

Not in a good way…Scott didn’t come to school today and even though I knew that in advance I felt weird about today…. It’s one of those days where you just can’t nail it, but something feels off…We started the day with a little reading… Mr. Manor read Hollis and it was weird to listen to the story. Sometimes Scott reads but it just was different with a sub. It was also weird for once being on the other side of a “sub” day. As a kid, this day meant time off, a break from the regular schoolwork or in some cases… more work than a regular day. If we were really lucky, it meant a day of movies. But here I was on the other side, having to be the consistency for these kids. I wouldn’t let them have a day off because I was still there. They would get the work done and they would do it well. As we were finishing up the Ebenezer lesson, I really got to see how excited they could get about learning. It was 5 guilty vs 18 innocent and they were ready to duke it out. Both sides could prove their reasoning and we were on the verge of a true court trial when suddenly… I realized, crap, it was lunchtime. Yes, I said that. I have never wanted to skip a meal before in my life but MAN did I not want to stop this lesson. They were so into the lesson and I was so into pushing them that it almost felt physically painful to stop them. I knew after lunch I wouldn’t really have to worry about Scott not being there since we had a special guest coming to talk to the kids. We had a revolutionary war “soldier” coming to talk to them. It was hilarious, they all were so excited to have their questions answered, to be shown time period artifacts and best of all… They got to hold a revolutionary musket. I mean does it get any better than that? Pretty sure it doesn’t. Really the only problem of the day came between 2pm and 2:30pm. I didn’t realize the soldier would finish with so much time before the end of school… So first I had each kid debrief and share what they learned from the soldier… and it was still only 2:20… 10 more minutes… I had NO idea how to fill the rest of the time, and it didn’t help that I had intern tasks like their Friday folders to fill with 3 different papers… I felt like a chicken with their head cut off because I was just trying to get them to stay focused… me to fill the folders and somehow maintain control…. Needless to say when I left it was just a weird end of the day… I went across the hall to check in on Emily, no not myself, my co-5th grade intern who also had a sub. Her mentor was sick so both of us were experiencing the same thing of having a sub for the first time. I really like having Em across the hall because I can see how she is doing and whether or not we are in the same place on life. The one thing I learned today is that my mentality of not skipping classes or responsibilities will continue on into my career because just like a newborn baby… Kids need consistency in their lives and as an adult they see every single day, they need less sub and more reg. So pretty much for the next ___ years I cannot get sick, miss work, have life responsibilities that will conflict with work… yeah, right… NOT

Thursdays are half (SHORT) days

So this morning the kids headed down to PE and Scott and I had SO MUCH FUN! I love Thursdays because we play with the kids during warm up for them and its great, it makes me giggle and understand why Scott is so loved by the kids… He can let loose and play with them on their level. I really enjoy Thursday mornings, I must say. When the kids came back we did Crew and they shared their stories about Red Rocks our new member. It was pretty hilarious for me to hear their stories ABOUT me and my adventure to bring Red Rocks to school. I was described as a “mysterious” lady, a giant, a scary thing and of course regular old blonde Ms. Detmer. I was proud because these stories really allowed their creative sides to show without the pressures of “being right”. Their story was whatever they wanted it to be. From there we transitioned into our expedition. We were launching into the story of Ebenezer MacIntosh and somehow right about then… it was 11:20 and they had to go to lunch and I had to go to seminar… Thursdays amaze me because the mornings feel SO short and the afternoons are SO long… But the best part of the day came after all of this was over. Mariana and I went to workout and it was awesome…. Minus the fact that I forgot my shoes… however I think our instructor was a BP teacher in another lifetime because she said if you can workout without your shoes, it works for me…

What works for you, works for us… BP for life

Uneventful is wonderful....

So today started out much like any other… The kids went away to class and Scott and I just sat planning lessons and generally getting the day ready. When they came back we did a fun little crew initiative to get their day going. We had them try to do the circle sit down initiative. We had them stand in a circle, turn and try to sit. It was fun to watch them minus my quick exit to fix my contact… (Yes I am still learning) We then transitioned into the expedition and let the kids try to figure out a lot of the meanings from the time period political cartoons. It was so interesting to watch them, considering how complex they can be. At recess Scott and I ran the second to last girls club. We played the game “the big wind blows” imagine musical chairs and a game that gets everyone to know things about each other. The debrief was awesome and it was so great to see them realize that they had many things in common. Instead of laughing at each other they began to laugh with each other, which is as close to a bonus that teachers can get. ☺ After lunch we did independent reading and finished getting all the kids into groups for expedition reading. We next transitioned into math… It amazes me when the day is over all the time… I seriously do not understand how fast the days go by…. It is already 10 days until my birthday, which is usually my 2 month in marker for the semester… HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!!?!?!?!!!!! All I can say is, October is going to be an awesome month and I can’t wait for it to arrive! After school I headed down to the gym for my first Girls on the Run practice. Girls on the run is an organization that helps get girls (sorry boys) to understand their self-worth and self-confidence. They don’t have to really run, but really they can do whatever they want as long they understand that they are wonderful and mean so much to the world. Please feel free to check out their website and donate in honor of the Tollgate Tigers!!

http://www.girlsontherun.org/default.html

Plenty of ways to make a Wrong RIGHT....

So today started out with a fun adventure to Petsmart at 7am… (yes they open at 7am) in order to purchase our new classroom member the fish… I wanted to name him Oscar but Scott and I agreed the children should name him…. So eventually his name became Red Rocks but he will always be Oscar to me. After crew was over… well, I realized adrenaline was pumping through my veins… Game time aka first official observation… Like any good pressure situation I was prepared to fumble the ball a few times but then fit comfortably into the 3rd quarter and ride until the end of the game. I started my lesson, feeling aware of Scott and Kathi watching me…. Knowing they were in my corner but knowing also that they would be grading me… However, just like a stroke off when I’m in the zone, I was on fire… well I thought I was. It felt good, and I didn’t feel like I was making many or rather any obvious mistakes. When the lesson was over Kathi and I left to go talk it over and not to toot my own horn or anything but I’d say job well done me! The afternoon blew by in a breeze of expedition and math… When the end of school came around I left feeling accomplished and happy….I’m learning that Scott’s way of being my mentor, this trial and error on my part is the best thing ever. I get to try as many different ways and styles of teaching as I want… Plenty of ways to make a wrong right… Song lyrics sure, but some truth is buried deep in it… Making mistakes are ok if eventually they lead you to the right answer. At the end of the day though I realized… I am good at this, I’m not crazy and I’m doing what I love… Nothing better right? WRONG…. Glee season premiere and chocolate AND a visit from a puppy (Thanks Kelly)…. Overall today was an A (advanced or SUPER AWESOME) Sometimes it just takes having a really good practice to make things clearer… Granted all I want to do now is suit up in some equipment sit next to Anna and have some shots thrown at us, but my life now consists of fielding questions instead of balls and scoring correct learning objectives instead of points but really… Practice makes perfect and I’m getting some awesome practice in….

I was mean today...

…. But not as mean as “John” was. Today started out like any other, the kids came in; we did a little morning math and read Hollis. The kids then went off to music and Scott and I talked about my lesson tomorrow (I have my first official observation tomorrow). When the kids were gone we were filled in on a little situation…. Our dear friend John has been, well, a problem child. He is the one I have been really struggling with because all of the other “bad” boys seem to have reformed and John… hasn’t. At. All. He’s been having some problems… SO today his issue was that he thought it would be fun to cuss at 1st graders… you know the tiny, just old enough to get school but still scared shitless of everything little kids… Ugh, is all I could think… Hasn’t this kid gotten it yet? He doesn’t have recess and yet he still finds a way to torture other children. So anyways when we transitioned into math about ¾ of the way through the lesson Scott went to go deal with this situation… With the big guns… AKA our principal who could put the fear of god into me so I would assume a 5th grader as well. So I was left to care for the children in our class…. Something I am totally comfortable with but MAN OH MAN were they not paying attention! Seriously I was better off talking to a brick wall… They were talking to each other, drawing… So I said ok, we’re done. Had them put everything away and sit at their desks for the last 5 minutes of the day. Just sit there. I went and sat my desk and pretended to write a note to Mr. Alverson… really I just wrote in my journal ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ…. But it was the idea that I was telling him and the fear that I was playing on. Ok manipulative I know, but I was willing to be a little mean if it meant that they would be better tomorrow… And really isn’t that what teaching is about? Hoping that tomorrow will be better… for the children, for me, for us as a nation and for us as a global community? Reaching I know, but truly, what else can we do but hope for a better day tomorrow….


OH WAIT… GLEE SEASON PREMIERES TOMORROW… so it will be a better day ☺

EW EW EW

So today started out in a not so awesome way…. And by not so awesome I mean the kids were coming in and doing attendance when… MS. DETMER MS. DETMER MS. DETMER…. BRAYAN JUST THREW UP….. I wasn’t really paying attention to what was going on as they were coming in so I thought they meant outside… then I realized… oh no, wait, it’s EWWWW yes. There was vomit all in the front part of our classroom. As soon as I saw it… my body automatically reacted and for those of you who know me know what happened…. I dry heaved… and knew that if I smelled the vomit, I would definitely follow suit…. So Scott called in the clean up on aisle 20 and I tried to exit the classroom as stealth as I could since I was on the verge of losing it…. So while the vomit was being cleaned in our room (the custodial staff is heaven sent) Scott and I just hung out in the hallway… aka vomit-free zone or safety depending on how you look at it… The kids went to technology today, yes it was Friday, because we had to switch our spot with Wednesday just for this week. While they were gone, we planned our expedition reading groups. When the kids came back Scott refreshed their knowledge on the French-Indian war and why it was so important to our learning. While he was doing that I was placing some “artifacts” on the tables for them to identify and talk about. They were all replicas but that’s beside the point. The kids then wandered around the room trying to identify the different things and figure out why they were important. There was a quarter from 1776, stamps, paintings, the declaration of independence... you get the idea. There was one painting of the French invading Yorktown from the 7 years war. At the bottom was a description of the battle and the painting… in French. So Scott had me read it to the kids and they LITERALLY lost their minds. They were sooooo into having me speak French. It was adorable and obviously one of those moments that make you realize how awesome teaching is. When we debriefed the artifacts and how important it was to look critically at different objects. Somehow, magically by then it was lunchtime. Now normally on Fridays the 5th grade team goes out to lunch but today I was running the girl’s anti-bullying club aka where we, as educators, try to get the girls to learn more about each other so they won’t bully each other… So I was left back at school to run this… so when recess came along the girls came down and we had a little bonding session. Apparently I did a good job because it was all the girls could talk about for the rest of the afternoon… Hopefully these positive feelings between them continue but who knows…. Girls will be girls…. The afternoon sped by with reading groups and math groups... They started these HUGE math grids and of course, like all days 2:30 rolled around WAY before I was ready... I know it's silly and TOTALLY contrary to what I felt as a student but man... can we make school longer?

Connections are awesome....

(Sorry Frame, not connections connections but connections... ;-) )

Ok so this morning was pretty great with the kids. They headed off to PE and Scott and I came up with some more things to put up on the timeline. When they came back we shared our “gifts”, well their “gifts” to the crew. Some were artistic, some make people laugh, some good team players… the list goes on and on as you can imagine. I’m finding it’s really interesting to see what they identify as important to them and important to the class. When we got to seminar I found in our moral development a huge connection to my past life… AKA when I was at Sewanee 6 months ago! Having NOT majored in education but rather in international and global studies (here by deemed INGS) I’m finding that most of my educational knowledge came from the 2 ED courses I took, and granted one was in France and was about European ED sooooo anyways! While talking about Piaget’s adult-child and child-child relationships I suddenly had a MAJOR connection! Piaget defines adult-child moral relationships as the adult has an unimpeachable authority and the rules for the child are “handed down from above”. Hm, I thought, that sounds super familiar. When we discussed the child-child relations where the children together create an autonomous morality within the group and they typically tend to center around equality, cooperation, kindness and fairness. Gee, that does sound SUPER familiar!!!! Then I figured out why, adult-child is just like top-down relations and child-child is bottom-up or organic relation. I know I just started going crazy so I’ll explain. Top-down is when an aid agency for example goes into a country and says “you need a school. Here we will build you one.” The reason this doesn’t always work is because it isn’t what the people say they need. Same as why adult imposed rules don’t always work for kids. Child-child relations are much more creative and allows for them to create equality within their own relations. This is the same as bottom-up or organic creations because the people are allowed to dictate their own rules and send “up” what they need. It was so cool to make that kind of connection and to, maybe by my own definitions, not feel as lost in this whole teaching world. I try to remember that even though I didn’t major in education or minor for that matter, my life experiences and choices will lead me to being an amazing teacher because (LIFE LESSON) not all teaching occurs in the classroom….

En Español por favor….

So this morning we punked the kids a little bit because instead of going to technology like we normally do in the morning we went down to hang out with our kindergarten buddies. We didn’t do this just to mess with them the tech teacher needed us to switch Friday with today for him. So we spent the morning finalizing the buddy alphabet book, which is SO adorable, and I’m sorry I won’t be able to share it with you. The morning progressed well especially considering our colonial task of today was candle making. It definitely wasn’t the easiest thing AT ALL… seriously do NOT try at home. Hot plates, cans filled with wax, kids dipping strings into the wax… it was controlled chaos. They loved it, but it was chaos… Total chaos. Fast forward to 3:45 o’clock… Conferences!!!! So I had to translate our conferences, which was hilarious considering I re-learned Spanish this summer so I was glad I got to put my language to work however, well… I use French more, oh anddddd I started to mix the two together… I only had one mess up where I said “juste”… OOOPPPSSSSSS

Off to bed.. I’m finding my 7 and half hours could maybe be 8 minus the fact that THERE AREN’T ENOUGH HOURS IN THE DAYYYYYY

PS

Did I mention that I have to translate for parent teacher conferences tomorrow? IN SPANISH?????

Pissturd.

Yes, you read that right. I said pissturd. Now I should probably explain this before my mother gets too upset with me writing words like that (sorry mom). In order to do so I should tell you that today we started learning about the French Indian War. This lesson was hard for me, not because I don’t know the material, but because it was my observation of Scott lesson. In other words I transitioned from teacher to student, which for our kids was really hard to understand but I really enjoyed it. Scott is an amazing teacher and I’m so lucky to have him as my mentor. So the lesson was great and it ended with the class going over a group (independent) reading together and filling out a note catcher/ exit ticket. With the basic information covered to ensure they were actually paying attention and learning, Scott (and eventually I) will use it as a semi-assessment on the children. After the lesson was over, I luckily got to transition back into my role as teacher and out of student. It was so hard for the kids not to be able to come to me and it was so hard for me not being able to help them. So when math started I felt back at home and I think they did too. It was a really rewarding day because I’m pretty sure there were a few breakthroughs that happened. Then the best part of the day came. After we had a team meeting about the next few days for our expedition and our team attack on this girl club issue. (Which I’ll get to in a minute) So Scott and I were going over the kid’s exit tickets when I stumbled upon Pissturd. Yes, according to… Let’s say Sara wrote that the French- Indian War was fought in Pissturd, Pennsylvania. I could barely breathe enough to tell Scott what it said which led the two of us to uncontrollably laughing. Now I know it’s really mean to laugh AT the children but in this case… It was soooooo impossible not to. Pissturd. Oh man. Nothing gets better than little things like that. One last time…. PISSTURD

Now onto the girl thing. I’m a little peeved because not only is this whole bullying name calling issue still around but I’m not sure it’s being addressed in a way that is conducive to really ending it. One teacher in our group thinks that we need to single out the girls who have been involved in all of the issues (THAT WE KNOW OF) and address the issues. While I agree that the girls all need to be in one room to talk about the issues and the bullying. I don’t think we should be splitting the girls up. It will just come back to bite us in the ass at some point. By splitting them up by the girls involved and the girls not involved it will just create MORE issues…. But who listens to an intern anyways…

I've been thinking lately...

...Shocking I know but really... Some thoughts I've had of late have been focused on how teachers, coaches, mentors, bosses and parents can influence a person's path in life. Since I've decided that I will take on this whole bullying issue with my kids, I'm trying to navigate it in a way that helps them see me as a person to look up to and not as a dictator who controls everything. What I'm realizing is, it is a careful balance between heaven and hell. Having been an athlete for most of my life (ok, well, all of it) I have had many wonderful influencers and well, a few bad apples. As I'm trying to figure out my teaching style, pedagogy (assuming I can ever say that word), and which philosophers will influence me; I find myself reflecting on my past examples. Louisa Jones of the Pomfret School is someone I often find myself turning to and hoping to model after. She was absolutely amazing, she knew how to push us, and she knew when she just needed to stand in as our Moms. She knew how to respect us and earn our respect in return. At a boarding school she is an amazing asset for those reasons and many more. She taught me how to be strong and independent without ever handing me the guide book for life. I hope to be half the teacher and coach she is... But how do you attempt to model those behaviors? How do I as a leader show my kids a good way to lead their lives? Another coach, let's go Harry Potterish and say "she who shall not be named" instead taught me how not to be a leader. It sometimes is just as simple as not saying "good job but next time let's try ____" we instead received "that sucked, it was awful" not exactly a motivating turn of phrase. So needless to say what I learned from her is how not be a leader and example setter for my kids, my (one day) team and my friends. The hard part though, lays with my bad kids. While they especially deserve the "good job but instead let's try___" I sometimes find it hard to give them that chance. I have to consciously monitor my interactions with them because of wanting to instill hope in them but knowing all the while how disappointed in them I was, and still am. I look to my parents for the answers... No, not "hey mom, how did you keep motivating us" but rather reflecting (being a true child of them) on my brothers and my own upbringing. Reflecting on my rough patches and seeing how they kept pushing me, kept letting it be ok to fail, kept helping me to stand up again on my own two feet. They somehow figured out how to be awesome parents, and role models... And ok maybe a lot of this view is because they worked out all the kinks on my older brothers (sorry T and M) and by the time I came around they knew it all..... ok but maybe not. My parents are strong people who are very secure in who they are. So through example they taught us how to be great adults and I'm pretty sure we're turning out alright... But really, when does anyone STOP growing up? In our family, the hard lessons and struggles were simply tackled and not avoided. We understood that it would not be easy but that they would be there for us, supporting us along the way. I hope that as a teacher I can take a tiny bit of that into the classroom because those are the best teachers. The ones who never seem to openly be motivating you but rather pushing you to be the best...Mostly because they know you can give them the best. Sara Wood, also of the Pomfret School, is someone I will never forget. She constantly forced me to work harder because she knew I could. Now at the time, it was really hard but I see now, how amazing that made her. She saw my potential even when I didn't. As a teacher, you cannot ask for a better quality, that is seeing a gift in children even when they don't. I'm hoping I can see some potential in all of my kids... no matter how much they drive me crazy...

The days are not long enough....

I’m sure that seems totally insane for me to be saying that but really… Somehow my time with the kids speeds by and it’s 2:20 and we haven’t done math yet. I never understand how exactly that happens but it does and on Monday we have a half-day… or rather the children have a half-day. Today we taught the kids calligraphy, which was fun and silly, and they then signed an agreement to try to study hard and inquire as much as they can during this expedition. I’m not totally sure how Monday will work exactly but I’m excited to find out… I have so much that I need to get done this weekend though that I’m not sure having the kids only half day will seem like much of a break!

Bring the Psych back….

So the morning with the kids was really fun…. As we have started jumping further into the expedition the kids started to learn about the 13 colonies. Trying to understand the difference between the New England, Middle and Southern colonies isn’t easy for them by any means. They didn’t grow up talking about the history of the United States so it is definitely interesting to see how far they have come…. Andddddddddd how far we still have to go. I left them filling out a note catcher on the different colonies. At seminar this week towards the end of the day we started to talk about the philosophers who contributed to the BP philosophies and values. The one I focused on the most was Erik Erikson who I had studied this past spring at Sewanee for my minor. The reason why is because he is more of a conflict and resolution philosopher. He says that we have certain conflicts or crisis we pass through during our lives and it is how we resolve those conflicts that allow us to grow and evolve. This idea really struck home for me as especially lately, I find that I learn a lot of hard lessons and have to pick myself back from getting knocked down. I’ve always told myself that I was getting better and learning more lessons that way…. My parents always told me it’s not about how you fall down or how many times you fall down but rather about how you stand up. Nice to know that someone out there coined a philosophy about going through the tough life lessons. So at least for right now I’m an Erikson… I need to look into him more to see if I really follow all of his teachers or if, like any good BP teacher, I’m choosing certain aspects and mixing them with other things I know to be the best that I can be!

It was one of those days....

That started out soooo bad but ended up so great....like that time, i burned my bagel for breakfast, set the fire alarm off, woke Mariana up AND ya know.. had to make plan B for breakfast.... Then got to school only to find out Scott was having a later morning than expected.... But being the awesome team we are, we totally faked it until he got there... aka the 5 minutes i was alone with them in the morning... but anyways....My favorite part of the day was reading the kids a book that I bought them called "One". This book was recommended to me by one of the other people in the Stanley program. It is an amazing book that can help share with kids how important standing up to bullies is and understanding that sometimes it just takes ONE (person) to stand up. They had a lot of positive things to say and I'm hoping that it wasn't just talk. It's not easy, and this may be the hill I die on but I won't care.... Even if I only get one kid to act differently, it's one kid.... We transitioned into our expedition which was fun... The kids are learning so much about Colonialism and understanding who came to the new world and why... They are learning so many things and really impressing me with their desire to learn more! After lunch.... we did the best thing ever... we gave them an exam that require them to read the directions.... One of those, read read read the directions then gave them lots of goofy directions and at the end it said simply follow directions #1 and #2 and sit until the time has run out. It was hilarious.... watching the ones who had figured it out try to double, triple check that they were right.... man oh man. I'm not totally sure it got through to all of them but we'll find out when homework gets turned in on friday I guess. After that we did the best thing for 5th graders.... MAKE BUTTER. During independent reading which really didn't happen at all the kids shook butter... Which they then enjoyed with some bread... They also drank the buttermilk... It was so awesome to see how excited they were and I just have to keep fighting for these moments... Math was good and after school we finalized our calendar for the rest of the expedition.... Little by little things will fall back into place.... I'm not too worried... I have an awesome support network and am so grateful for them....

it's just another day...

For the most part today was pretty uneventful.... Mostly what I learned was the discombobulated side of teaching... Like with most jobs sometimes things don't go the way you plan or things get thrown off course... We as a team weren't totally ready to start our expedition today but we made it work... We quickly planned in the morning and when the time came to start our learning/ the kids learning... we were right on task. In our class we will be starting from... well is there a negative ground zero? What the kids taught me today was that Martin Luther King came to the new world to be free, as did Lance Armstrong.... What they learned today was the Queen Isabella funded Christopher Columbus who came today and that the Roanoke Island colony disappeared...So we learned a lot... It was nice to at least know we had started the learning process since they were pretty... well, in a nice way clueless about the "new world" and who came there and for what reason... I can still remember in 6th grade when we learned about the age of Exploration and I did a real life presentation on Ferdinand Magellan... While I thought my presentation was awesome I'm pretty sure it was just plain old weird... Luckily I had this amazing teacher who showed me it was ok to be weird as long as your facts were right.... If only life could be like that. On the note of that teacher after last week's struggles I turned to a group of old teachers who I looked up to and still keep in touch with... It was amazing to me that they all offered me sound advice on how to reach out to my students and how to at the end of the day still supported me despite the number of years since they taught me. Shows you just how important teachers are... If only the rest of society could get on board, give teachers the raise they deserve and stop complaining that we get summers off... HELLO IT'S BECAUSE WE NEED TO REGROUP.... hey big CEO try having your name shouted at you ALL day and then tell me you don't need 8 weeks off.... anyways... teachers are awesome... everyone should thank the next teacher they see.... or take a note from Europe and make teaching one of the most valued jobs a person can have.... until next time...

the life student

Things I need to remember...

While out trying to get a salad to go with the AWESOME pepper from my garden (read: thanks M and D for letting me plant that pepper plant ;-) ) I ran into a good family friend... While telling him about this last week he gave me some advice which I guess my mother had given him when his adorable daughter was born and that is "The highs are high and the lows are low"... It kind of struck a note with me because it is exactly where I am... a Low Low... I’m ok with it only because I know I can get out of this funk… I’ll get back with my head above water soon… This weekend I tried to do things I know that make me happy… Friday for the most part was uneventful minus our friends Jack and John who got into a “he said- he said” of who “made” the other steal a di from our math manipulatives… We’re still not totally sure what happened all we know is that Jack had a di in his backpack… Scott was great; he handled the whole situation with just enough grace and power that Jack really knew he had messed up…. Again. Scott made Jack call his mom and leave her a voicemail… Now, during all this, the feelings of disappointment were bubbling up inside me again which were suddenly jumped by giggles. Yup, I said giggles. The giggles came from whenever Scott asked Jack to respond to a question such as “Why did you do this” he would respond in a barely audible whisper… So his voicemail to his mother was also barely audible… Made being angry really hard and I’m pretty sure I bit a whole through my lip trying to keep my giggles in…. Needless to say it was just another layer on my mountain of disappointment.

What I’m learning is that I need to try to leave my disappointment at the door at the end of the day… I’m making rookie mistakes with taking home my feelings that the kids bring up in me. The best part of this program is that we get to be first year teachers without the real pressure… I’m learning that I will have to really work hard to leave my hard times at school… AT school. Home is my safe place. Now for those who know me… it’s totally easier said than done but I know what my goal is and I know that I have to work at it. The great part about having been an athlete my whole life is that I know exactly how to motivate myself, how to let myself focus and most importantly, how to ask for help when I don’t exactly know how to reach my goal…. For now:

Goal: leave my frustration with the kids at the door
Song: You Lie by the Band Perry

I'm drowning...

So I guess yesterday's post didn't really explain what was going on at school and why my reaction was the way it was. While I don't totally feel comfortable explaining what some of my kids were doing and have been doing out at recess what I will tell you is that it's absolutely shocking and completely unacceptable. It's taking bullying to a level I never thought 11/12 years were capable of. The things the say to each other are not how people, let alone kids, should be talking to each other. This whole issue has really pushed on me, and has really caused me to struggle with being their teacher. I'm feeling lost and affected by this confusion. Despite my conscious awareness of my abilities, I've been feeling like maybe this is too much... Like I took wayyyyy too big of a bite and can't chew through it. I hate. HATE. HATE. feeling this way. This isn't me at all. I'm very capable and I just need to get through this tough patch. It's how I get through it that matters. Having the support of my family and friends has been so wonderful and I can't thank the other interns enough for today but at the end of the day it has to come from me. It has to be my drive, my passion and my abilities that get me to the next day. Something I took from a coach was the idea that we can only control our controllables. While at the time it felt ironic since she was trying to control us but now I've learned it is some of the best advice I've ever been given. I cannot control the outliers in my class, I can try to help them and teach them to the best of my abilities but at the end of the day I cannot control them. Nor do I really want to, it's more that I want to be rid of that awful behavior. I know there are good kids inside of them, I just don't know how to find those kids again. I'm just feeling like this 3 day weekend is definitely coming at the right time...