I suppose I should share the good news....

On Monday I got a job! I was thankful enough to be offered a para position in a 5th grade classroom with a wonderful teacher at Steele! I'm so grateful and so happy. I'm looking forward to all of the fun adventures ahead and I'm positive that this will be another great year. It is amazing and a sign that working hard and praying for things means they often come to truth.... There are many people still out there looking for jobs and we must still send positive thoughts and feelings in their direction.... Happy Weekend! xox

Yesterday I took some big risks...

No I didn't get a tattoo or a piercing, instead I took some huge leaps of faith in other areas. In the morning I went to a lecture/conference on the design thinking process or theory. Design thinking is a new way of creating curriculums and it was SO interesting! Did I mention the only person I "knew" there I've only exchanged emails and 1 phone call with? Did I mention it was at the Colorado league of Charter Schools, a place I've never been? Did I mention I was shaking as I walked in? Well All of those were true. I was recommended to go to this by one of my UCD professors who is also founding a new school here in Denver. As tends to happen with risk taking, I absolutely LOVED(!!) every minute! It was thought provoking and made me realize that so much of my training with Stanley is just good teaching and forward moving teaching. The best part? I got a card from a principal! Needless to say, I was on a total high. Later in the day came part two of my risk taking day. Now when I say wine downs, volunteering, mountain retreats and pearls do you think of the junior league? Well you should. As of right now, I am a provisional member of the Denver Junior League and couldn't be more excited. Like kid in a candy store with $100 excited. We had a meeting on the provisional year and expectations and general information last night and I realized how incredibly excited I am to be a part of it! These women are involved in so many creative, giving and fun activities that I literally left hoping we could start right then. Now the crazy thing about this was that I actually didn't know anyone in the room. Not a single person. It was terrifying to walk in, but I did and I had a few wonderful conversations and all I would think was wow, I get to be one of them! The overlying message here is, it's ok to take safe risks. (Safe as in, no one was harmed in my entering a room.) Risks that make your heart rush a little are ok, as long as they are in your "safe" zone. I learned from a friend in the Stanley program that there are 2 rings outside your comfort zone. The first is your safe zone, a place that will allow your comfort zone to grow and expand some and a place that makes you a better person. The second ring outside of that is your "danger" zone. This is the bad place, the "my mind shuts down and my heart seizes" kind of place. Ideally, a person grows their comfort zone by pushing the safe zone door wide open. So go ahead, try something new, jump over the edge... You never know what's waiting for you on the other side.

Rejection, Disappointment and Me... BFF?

Salt in the wound, kick you when you're down, rub some dirt in it... However you'd like to phrase the bottom of the bottom or the low low point is up to you; but I think we can all agree, it sucks. There's nothing worse then the feeling of total loss especially when it's focused on something you love. Well, this moment in time finds me in the bathroom of the Charlotte airport after receiving an email saying that my coaching position had gone to someone else. That someone else being the person who got the social studies job I had applied for earlier this year... Double ouch right? As you can imagine my low point was low. I mean I was literally crying in a bathroom stall... Not pretty at all. I think the rejection hit me first when I realized, once again, I hadn't gotten a job I wanted, and unfortunately, that is my recent norm. Just when I thought I had managed my feelings of rejection by reminding myself that I will find something better, more suited for me, I got the wind knocked out again. That's right, the disappointment came swooping in. Being totally honest, I was beyond excited to be coaching. I even have a notebook that I've been filling with ideas for practice and corner plays. This loss hurt. Hurt not just my pride but my heart. When I realized I had been reduced to this moment of pain, I did the totally natural thing to fix it. I quickly plugged my headphones into my phone and blasted Lady Gaga. While getting my groove back I realized something, rejection and disappointment are building blocks to better things. They are in fact, only temporary fixtures in my life. I will make it, I said to myself again and again over You and I. I'm saying this with as light a heart as possible considering that lately, these two concepts seem to be my new best friends. I got dumped by text message, my job went to someone else, field hockey won't be in my life full time AGAIN and did I mention I'm moving back into my parents house? These aren't exactly the makings of the "awesome" 20s years I had originally envisioned BUT there is light at the end of my tunnel. I'm alive, I'm healthy and despite what my inbox says, I'm loved. Above all, I am blessed. Sure, all these knocks down aren't great but I know that I'll survive. Not everything in life comes easily and some things require a little fight. This is my life test I think, my test of survival. It won't be easy, and I'm expecting to fight a lot but aren't all the good things in life worth fighting for? I won't be fighting alone by any means, I have a great family, solid friends and most importantly, iTunes to get me when I'm needing to drown it all out. So rejection and disappointment, I dismiss your friendship status with me. Instead I'm signed up to push forward and prove that despite many disappointments and rejections, I made it. Certainly not over night, but someday I'll look back at that bathroom stall and laugh. I'll be able to say, everything from there was up... Until then, I'll board my flight back to Denver and begin the uphill battle.

Expectations and Life

So I know it's been a while since I posted and its mainly due to the fact that right after school was over I started taking classes and things just got out of control. To update you, I did very well in both of my summer classes BUT still don't have a job. As of now, my plan is coaching a middle school field hockey team and taking classes full time. I'm looking forward to it! Coach Detmer here I come! In terms of expectations, I lately have been thinking about them a lot. Expectations are a huge part of life, and like it or not they creep into most areas of our lives from jobs, to living to family, friends and beyond. The tricky part is when those expectations don't match up quite the way you want. Lately, that has been the definition of my life. I've learned a lot of hard lessons and I've had my realities fall very short of my expectations. That's just life. I keep reminding myself of some great advice that I was given, control your controllables. There is a lot I can't control in my life right now and no matter how much I'd like to change something, there's a lot I can't. I'm ready for the next steps, wherever they lead me.

And sooooo the water works begin...

Today I finally gave in and cried about how much I'm going to miss these kids.... We had the presentation of the Steele Stallion awards and that's when I realized how many of the kids at Steele had touched me... Had made me a better teacher AND person... When my student won for the 5th grade, I definitely had some tears rolling down my face. Mainly because his face when he won was just pure excitement, astonishment and joy all at once. I had a flashback in my head of all my days with the kids of 202... They are all so clear in my mind and I'm just so blessed to have spent the past 4 months with them. All of this got worse when the parents showed up at 2:50 with flowers and a thank you note... I burst into tears and just fought myself to hold it together. I DREAD Thursday/ Friday with the goodbyes to both the interns and the kids... I am not ready for this year to be over in any way.... I need a serious life break because it is going WAYYYYY too fast for me right now. No way am I ready for June... NO NO NO NO NO ....mature I know

When the simplest thing can turn it all around

So I haven't been having the greatest of mid-weeks... I don't want to go into details but let's just say that a lot has been weighing on my mind that isn't school or job search related. After leaving seminar early today and working through some of what has been going on, I headed over to my parents house for a little debrief and hang time. When I got there I had two letters from my sister in law and my soon to be sister in law. One was a thank you note for my baby shower gift and one was an invitation to be a bridesmaid... Let me tell you, I literally burst into tears because I felt so loved by these two women. It was so nice to just have something nice and happy happen. Silly, but sometimes its just a little thing like a kind thank you note that makes it all a little bit better.

BREAKING NEWS.... I'm not perfect!

It's shocking to all of you I know to learn that I am not perfect. It's totally true, and sometimes hard to grasp. I'll explain how it happened today. It was my last observation and I was presenting the book poster project that we are getting started on. As I am presenting it to the class I suddenly read the following phrase, "Quidditch, a scene from Harry Potty" Yes, you read that right, Harry Potty. I think it's because I was thinking about the fact that I needed to go to the bathroom before class and I was quickly scribbling that phrase. And yes, sometimes (or always) I call the bathroom potty in my real life... Oddly not in my teaching life. When I noticed it the kids burst into giggles and I couldn't help but laugh with them... I had honestly missed that error. Needless to say I learned two valuable lessons: 1) I'm not perfect (damn) and 2) DOUBLE CHECK YOUR WORK BEFOR EYOU PRESENT ITTTTTTTTTTT

FYI today is thursday

Sooooooo I'm leaving tomorrow morning for my 5th year high school reunion. Needless to say I'm a bit nervous. This morning I woke up to check in. However, I got a little mixed up... Somehow I thought it was friday... I FREAKED OUT, realizing that it's 5:56AM and my flight is at 6AM. I'm thinking what the hell can I do!?! I call my parents (approximately 5:57 now) and explain that my alarms got mixed up etc etc I missed my flight!!! They're telling me what to do when suddenly, I see my portfolio for Stanley, which was due today, and realize. If I haven't turned that in... There is NO way that it is friday, I look down at my watch to see the TH, tell my parents that I messed up and to go back to bed. It is now 5:59AM, I log into my Southwest App, and at 6:00 I check in for my flight which was the REAL plan all along.... Happy Thursday!

Monday with no Trevor, Signs and Tuesday with no Rocketry

Monday Trevor wasn’t here so it was me, the kids and a sub that had previously gone through the Stanley program. It was actually a calm day, minus a few bumps. It made me realize that I can do this. This crazy teaching thing, I can do it. I honestly don’t have much to report because for the most part it was a good day. In terms of the “signs” portion of this post it has to do with my current life dilemma. You see, the job search road has led me to a fork and for once, I don’t know which way to go. I’ve always had a clear picture of my “next” steps were but I don’t have one for what happens after this year. I want to be a classroom teacher but I haven’t been so successful in that portion of my experience. So do I keep pushing for that want OR do I take the year off to get my sub license, work on my masters and hope? The monkey wrench in all of this is that I have found my dream school… Well, dream almost school. They get their charter from DPS next month. For those of you who don’t know, I am a “feelings” person. I trust my gut feelings, my sudden reactions and that voice in my heart that tells me when something is right or wrong. I know that this school is my school… But I can’t get hired on until 2013. I feel like that this point I need to keep trying for a job, at least for a little while longer and then go to the back up plan… Where is the deadline though? I am not someone who can aimlessly wait for something that defines my life… I can barely handle waiting now… So just for the record, rocketry still has two more weeks. But luckily I got to spend this afternoon with my kids doing academic choice. It was totally novel, totally unreal to spend it with them. I really enjoyed it. The funny thing was though, I'm DYING to know what they did in Rocketry. I have no idea and it's like being in the in crowd but without knowing all the gossip. I guess my lesson learned today was that we can't know everything with our kids. It happens... We can't know everything.

Dear Sara Smith,

Yesterday at school it was the talent show. The reason that this post is dedicated to you is because one group did our favorite dance. The HOEDOWN THROWDOWN. Now for those of you who missed the reign of Princess Miley pre Can't Be Tamed era, this was a hit from her Hannah Montana movie (seen here, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RlnbmZK7GxU) For Sara and me this dance is special. It holds many memories of late night dance practices (well for Sara, I OBVI nailed it after I saw the movie) and eventual giggles. To watch these two girls who had to have been 7 when the movie came out do the dance it made me realize how transcendent society is. From the 3 girls who sang Adele songs (do they even know what Rolling in the Deep is about?) to the girl who had technical difficulties and had to endure the shame of going away then coming back, I realized how important strong female figures are to young girls. A movie that my 20 year old self enjoyed also affected and entertained 7 year olds enough for them to STILL know the dance 3 years later (I can't judge, I totally do too) shows that the Can't be Tamed stage of Miley's career needs to not be the norm. Girls can't see half naked women and think that's ok. The girl who danced to Just Dance by Lady Gaga probably doesn't know that she danced to a song that touches on drinking. Anyways, that's a thought for another day. Let's just try to keep fame and celebrities sending positive messages to my kids because that's what my kids deserve. If you're still thinking about the HoeDown Throwdown, here is the link to the instructional video that Sara learned from. Miley breaks it down step by step so the next time you're out in a club whip this move out.... It's how I get ALL the boys.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hj3OqMzNin4

Tuesday from Hell

So yesterday was a really long day. I had a draining day with one particular student. Not only was it grueling and draining but it was also totally nuts. It just felt exhausting and there was no way to make it not exhausting.It's funny though, I think I've gotten to a point where even though it is exhausting, it no longer surprises me about this student. I've come to just accept the fact that he will have a freak out about nothing, he will fake cry, he will kick objects... It's just how he is processing his anger at the world.

Homophones: Flower versus Flour

So today starts what I hear is the greatest week ever: Teacher Appreciation Week. Today was flower day, tomorrow is drink day, wednesday is snack day, thursday is note day and friday we get breakfast from the PTA. Now here's the thing, Trevor is a boy and I am a girl. Silly for me to have to state this but for some reason it became TOTALLY clear. Close your eyes, oh wait, open them back up. Imagine this I'm writing names for homework collection up on the board when I am handed sunflowers. Two beautiful sunflowers. I'm totally taken aback and smiling that I missed the important event that makes this story AWESOME. In meeting, I am thanking this student for the flowers then suddenly it comes out that Trevor got flour. Yes, I meant flour.. Ya know 3 cups of FLOUR in bread? He got flour in a bag. Because Trevor is a boy he must not like flowers right? WRONG. He later stated to me that he would have liked some flowers. Now, I will give our student some credit for understanding the tricky Homophones... And so I leave you with this awesome youtube video that actually describes homophones perfectly. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0VpP7VxtYg

Rocket my life forward

So thursday and friday of this week both brought interesting adventures into my life. Let's start with thursday. I interviewed for a teaching position at a school I would really love to be at. It was an amazing experience and I'm so grateful that I got to have it. I definitely learned a lot and no matter what happens I am glad I got the chance to be a part of the process. I feel special to have been involved and can't wait to see what happens. On friday we had rocketry launch day! It was amazing and we had an awesome day. After the 5th graders headed off to DU for their day the 3rd and 4th graders headed off to Wash Park with Trevor and myself. We slowly walked our way over to South High School before separating by grade. Trevor and the 3rd graders headed back to school and the 4th graders and myself headed off to South. For the next 2 hours we launched rockets into strong wind. There were a few mishaps (my own rocket included... Sorry person who found a hot pink and gold rocket in their yard :-)) but overall the kids handled the adventure very well. Granted I was exhausted when we returned it was a hugely successful day and I'm so happy about it.

Girl Dramz

I feel as though I have hit a wall in terms of a little social/ emotional trio. I just can't find a solution for these three girls. There is always something that tips the three of them off. I've tried every strategy I have in my toolbox to fix it. One parent emailed Trevor about it, it's just been a lot. I'm unsure of where to go next. Trevor thinks I've completed my "job" of trying to help them and I can now say "work it out yourselves" or send them to him. Nothing feels right for me anymore, I feel like no matter what I do I can't please the girls, I can't please myself and I can't please their parents. It's the only thing that lately feels to me in some manner, unbalanced or incomplete. Any ideas?

Wicked

So tonight I had the chance to go to Wicked with my dad. Now see here's the thing with that musical, even though it's dark and it's twisted and it's all things Oz, it's also awesome. I've been so fortunate since moving home that I get to do fun stuff like go to Wicked with my dad. As I sat there, I couldn't help thinking about how Wicked has played into my life. For those of who you weren't there in college, Defying Gravity was one of my main sing a long (in the car, in my room, on the fockey bus, whenever I needed it. I felt invincible every time it came on my iPod. I felt that no matter what was going on, eventually I'd work through it, rise to the top and feel better. It also was one of my escape songs when I was headed home because of the line, " If you care to find me, look to the western sky". I mean duh, I live west of ALL my friends so that line always made me happy. During that song, as it was happening, literally my whole body tingled. It was as if I had faith in myself again, like the actress was singing directly to me. Please be aware I know I was at the Buell and very much a part of the audience. But it didn't matter. For about 5 minutes, nothing else in the world mattered. I was happily reminding myself of everything I can do. I felt like no matter what this year brings I can survive. So thanks dad (and mom for getting the tickets)... I was happily reminded that I am capable.

Smell YA Later!

So yesterday and today I got to teach 3rd grade sex ed. Now before you freak out, sex ed in 3rd grade looks more like understanding the 5 senses and keeping everything PG. 4th and 5th grade, well that's a whole different story that we can get to later. I have been assigned the role of smell educator. AKA I freaked out and pulled my resources. My plan was to talk about smells in general, educate the kids on how smelling works, let them understand how taste and smell are connected, then let them go smell things and try to guess what they are. In theory it would be fun and they would love it and smell would be not boring. In reality IT WAS SO MUCH BETTER THEN THAT!!!!!! I honestly couldn't have imagined anything better. Their faces when they released their noses and let the jelly bean flavors explode in their mouths were CLASSIC. It was truly amazing to them and I loved it. They totally jumped on board when learning how smelling works, including taking a risk to try to say Olfactory Epithelium... Oh yeah, you try to say that, its not easy. When it came to the hands on try to smell different things portion the kids were HILARIOUS. As it turns out lavender smells like earwax to kids and eucalyptus smells like medicine. I felt so accomplished knowing how much fun it was for them. I couldn't have asked for anything better. In terms of 4th and 5th grade sex ed, well the 4th graders read a book called "hair in funny places" but it's so scarring that they can't talk about it. They are totally afraid and scarred for life. The 5th graders have egg babies aka RAW eggs that they have to carry around. Feed, diaper change, burp, and keep generally safe RAW eggs. Needless to say I'm afraid of what Friday looks like when they break but oh well... At some point the 5th graders have to watch a video of a live birth and let's just say... I don't want to know about that ;-)

Success.

Today's story is one of pure success. There is an adorable third grader who struggles with writing and has come onto our radar of needing more help. In the case of our ocean essay he had been selected to be in a little group with me for some more one on one attention. Today the greatest thing happened. He finished his draft of his essay. I literally nearly died. We have worked so hard, I'm talking not even one paragraph in a day hard, so to finish his essay. Man, it was a godsend. The best part wasn't even my excitement. It was the smile on his face when he high five'd me. It was literally electric. I felt like this bonding experience between the two of us was literally monumental for him because he finished an essay! AN ESSAY...

It's things like this that make me realize how wonderful teaching is. Sure, later today in math one of our students yelled and cried at me and was generally disruptive. But it didn't matter, because I had completed such a break through. Sometimes even just one great moment can carry through all the not good. And that is what I will focus on.

I owe you guys some posts...

So first things first, I am a fail as it has been weeks since I posted. I'm sorry. The truth is, as it has been for my whole life, journaling isn't my strength... The number of diaries I wasted trying to be "one of those girls" who can keep it up. I guess it's because my diary isn't pre-written by a set of writers and doesn't have a voice-over of me reading it.

So ive been lately feeling like there is this gap in my own knowledge. Given that we who were in aurora last semester started so much earlier we had the first week of school the same week as orientation. While I loved orientation, I couldn't help but think about the classroom I had spent the week prior setting up. I wondered how Scott was doing and wondered what my kids were like. The following week I jumped right in as you know. Flash forward to now when I am applying for and trying to get a job. I'm almost afraid of actually getting one because I'd have to figure out the whole first week of school purely based on what I've been taught and not on my experiences. I'm worried that I will end up spending my time all year trying to fix this problems. I'm hoping that I will be able to use my knowledge and experiences, but really, will that be enough?

4/9:Today during planning Trevor and I exercised our abilities to write with the opposite hand. AKA we sat "planning" the week with our left hands. Needless to say it mainly led to giggles and wobbly hand writing. Shortly after we regained our "grown up" attitudes and planned the rest of the week. I have so enjoyed working with him and that is just a perfect example of our awesome collaboration.
4/10: Another rocketry day. I'll be honest. I have come to dread tuesday afternoons for the reason of 4th grade rocketry. While at first it was fun because I like science and building rockets is fun, that fun has now turned to dread. The job of the intern who helps out in rocketry is essentially bitch. I have to keep the kids who are talking quiet, to keep the kids who ride the line, inside the line... In other words I am the one who reprimands and disciplines the kids. I hate it. I feel awful about it and when the day is over, I feel drained and exhausted. I often feel unable to reenergize for the rest of the day.
4/11:So today I did this cool lesson with the kids on power points. I did a power point on Izze, my dog. For those of you who don't know, I'm obsessed with my dog. She is my baby, and I LOVE talking about her. So needless to say my 4 slide power point was awesome. Their slide shows on dogs, cats, baseball, Peeta from the Hunger Games etc; were adorable and hilarious. I definitely felt like they got the memo on how to work power point and how to have a little bit of fun.
4/12: BRAIN WASH. So we had our curriculum units due today. So seminar was hilarious. All of us interns were totally brain dead. Seminar was literally the funniest thing ever because none of us were able to really get our lives together. It was difficult to function, to listen, to breathe... To do anything. Granted it led to some funny "what you think inside" and what you "say outside" versions of parent interactions, it was pretty clear we all were desperate for some sleep.
4/16: After a weekend of spending time with my family I was totally jazzed for this week. I just felt this sense of excitement and renewed sense of love. And for the most part it was a solid day. The kids weren't toooo crazy, a little but not toooo crazy. It was a nice way to come back. I felt like we were headed for a nice spring. It was refreshing and delightful.
4/17: Good god. It's tuesday.... You know what that means, rocketry day. However, before I could even get depressed or excited about rocketry I had to teach math. It was brutal. EDM doesn't do a good job of teaching mean because it requires the kisd to divide WITHOUT teaching them real division first. It was super frustrating. I got confused in teaching them and it was a total disaster. BUT somehow, the kids forgave me and in the end THEY COULD FIND THE MEANNNN.... It was wonderful!!! YAYYYY
4/18: woop woop it's wednesday wednesday wednesday is my favorite day. haha just kidding that are the lyrics from our "friday" song but instead to the tune of wednesday. It's kind of like friday because thursday is such a long day that then friday is a breeze... And i've lost it... I think I'm going to try to go to the gym early tomorrow which would be a big deal but since it's 8:40 and i'm already in my PJs it seems like it might actually be a realistic goal. Wish me luck!

Funniest twist of fate

So today the FUNNIEST thing happened today in reading buddies. Our kids were presenting their alphabet books (a project we did a little while ago where the kids came up with different vocab words and fun drawings and crazy coolness) to their reading buddies. Some groups worked really hard on their books and others just completed the project. It was interesting watching our students attempting to wrangle their buddies in. It was even more interesting when I watched an interaction between one of our... more wild, out there, wonderful kids and her reading buddy. The interaction was as follows (202= our kid, 007= reading buddy kid):

202 kid: "please come out from under the table"
007 kid: ignores and continues to hid under table
202 kid: " please come out. NOW"
007 kid: no change
202 kid: we worked really hard on this, you need to respect that.
007 kid: comes out and starts waddling
202 kid: please walk like a second grader, i know you can



Now if you haven't bursted into laughter I'm disappointed. The fact that a fourth grader said the phrase, " we worked really hard on this, you need to respect that" with a STRAIGHT face I might add is amazing! Now if only I could get her to reflect and realize the reason she knows that phrase is because I've said it to her many times....

End of the day shenanigans...

So up until 1:40 today was awesome.... then 1:40 came around and honestly I have NO idea what happened but the kids lost their damn minds. I mean they seriously were INSANE... and I was frustrated I'll be honest. There are times to be crazy and then there are just times to be serious. Don't we come to school to learn? Ay ay ay.... In other news, I had so much fun this morning on my 6 minute commute to work because I magically pulled a mix CD (yup, I just went there... MIX TAPE MADDNESS) and it just made me realize how far we grow over the years. It also made me a little anxious thinking in just about a month I'm going to be going to my 5th grade reunion... YIKES... anyways... that's all for now

Dystopia... and Thoughts

So with the Hunger Games and Divergent on the up with school ages kids I've been thinking about this influx of dystopian literature. I'm wondering why it is exactly that this style of writing has taken off... Has our society reached a comfort with the idea of the world that we know being changed? Or is it that we are bouncing back from the fairy tale romantic thoughts to a point where we need to create a world that doesn't really exist? I just don't understand it. While I admire that kids are reading I wonder what it means that so much dsytopian literature that kids are getting comfortable with.... How will that affect the future of our world?

In other thoughts, I've been wondering about the concept of learned helplessness... The idea that where a child has learned that when a task seems too hard or seems menial that they will simply NOT do it. Instead they play this " I can't do thisssssss" BS or they don't come to school or they go to the bathroom and avoid....and I'm sorry but that will not get you places. What if I just decided that work was too hard and "I couldn't do it"? Would I be getting job offers and advancing my career? OH I DON'T THINK SO.... Come on now.... is it parenting styles are changing now? Or is it just that I'm more perceptive to it since kids missing school affects my teaching? Can any light be shed on this for me? Anyone anyone?

HAPPY SPRING BREAKKK

Hey everyone... Happy spring break!!! Hope everyone is enjoying resting and catching up whatever it is you have to catch up on (read: I finished a paper yesterday and have more work to do... UGH) I'd like to post a link to a good friend's cause that he's trying to fundraise for. It's called the Courage Classic and it's a 157 mile bike ride in the mountains. (Crazy right?) The best part is that it helps raise money for Children's Hospital of Colorado. So not only are you enCOURAGing someone to ride for 157 but you are enCOURAGing change to be made at Children's by giving. It's an awesome cause and worth donating in anyway you can... So help, please if you can. Thanks and go back to sleep!!! xoxo


http://www.couragetours.com/2012/dhiwolfpack

WHOA... a normal day?

Friday was strange in that it was a totally 100% normal day! No TCAP, no crazy anything! It was strange to try to get back into the swing of things... Even if it is just days before spring break. I'll be honest, I felt like I was coming back from summer break to pre-season... It was crazy trying to remember how to teach! Trevor and I both noted that we felt totally out of practice. After completing my evaluation I realized that I'm starting to get close to becoming... GASP, a real adult! This future I'm working so hard to create is getting closer. This weekend I'm planning on applying for jobs (I've already cranked out 2 cover letters) and thinking seriously about my portfolio and other crazy things... Ay ay ay

TCAP lady style

So today's TCAP adventure was... feminine... It was funny because one of the girls I test had just gotten her period. Now the actual getting of the first period is mortifying and I still vividly remember telling my mom all the while hoping my dad wouldn't hear. It is a clear memory for every girl. However, after telling your girlfriends, you kind of just want to walk around feeling special. This girl is different... so naturally the way she handles this passage differently. EVERYTHING about TCAP had to do with periods, lady stuff, puberty and the works. Needless to say, my awkward took over HARDCORE... I was dyyyyyyying. It was definitely a learning experience in grace for me. I needed to figure out a way to bring our conversation back around to TCAP... This isn't family life girl this is standardized testing! AHHH it was not easy for me to keep a straight face and to keep on task with the TCAP.

TCAP yet again...

So today was day 4 of 6 for tcap testing... I'll be honest, the approximately 4 hours I spend in a CLOSET testing these 2 girls is brutal... I mean sitting staring at a dot on the table brutal. I've been thinking a lot and working through scheduling of my life in addition to reworking some of my curriculum unit lessons. When I say that it sounds like I make huge progress on my life but here's the deal, tcap is also a vortex of blobness. Your brain literally melts... What made today was worse was that I had to go to rocketry in the afternoon. Now if you don't remember what my previous rocketry experience was like, I got told I suck. So needless to say I was SUPER pumped to be going after spending my morning in the brain vortex....

Reflections....

So with all this introspective thinking time I've been given lately, many thoughts have crossed my mind. One of which I would like to share with you. For those of you who don't know, every year I was away at school (either high school or college) my dad would send me a letter in the fall. I cherish and love these letters more then anything... And to be fair he also sent them to my brothers. I looked forward to the advice my dad would give me for the upcoming school year or his own personal reflections because I knew he had some wonderful sage advice. The letters are now currently on the walls of my bedroom at my parents house but I've been thinking lately how I'd like to frame them. As much as I hate to admit it sometimes, my parents are right just about all the time on everything, and sure I occasionally get my own zinger in there but that's not the point. The point is that now, 8 years after my first letter, I'm starting to listen to all the great advice both my parents have given me.

With the scary upcoming job prospects I have (read: job applications and interviews etc;) I'm trying to hold onto all that great advice since I'll be jumping into the pool blindly. I'll be honest, applying for jobs is scary. Having already been rejected I'm afraid of putting myself out there again. Knowing how hard it is to get a job... I'm just getting ready to step up to the plate and am unsure of how it'll go.

A friend of mine from Sewanee has started a blog about food (he's a football player so eating is his specialty ;-) ) and his recent post was about trying new foods. While he was actually talking about trying new foods I read it a bit differently. I read it that one can never know what the future holds without just moving forwards. I totally agree with that concept because the truth is we really never can know what is in store. So really why not jump forwards?

Now I can say all of this stuff but the truth is I can't preach without practicing... So I'm logging on to the DPS website and just jumping... I'm not saying I'll apply for any jobs tonight but I definitely am going to try not hold back from the future any more... So here goes... wish me luck...


(here's the link if you want to see his take on the future http://chattanoogafoodie.tumblr.com/)

AQUARIUMMMM

So today was our long overdue field trip to the aquarium!! I was so excited... Like bursting with happiness and greatness... so excited! It was great! We walked through the aquarium on self guided tours and then we had a fun classroom experience on sharks. I was freaking out about how awesome every single awesome second. Yes I just said awesome twice because I seriously was pumped... Sure there were a few moments of freak out but man, the kids were so into everything that was going on, I was just so happy we were there!

Yesterday was honestly, awful! I spent the morning doing TCAP then went to seminar so I didn't even spend anytime with the kids... LAMEEEEOOOOOOOO

TCAP + feeling sick = death...

So let me just paraphrase the day... I felt sick from about 7am until... um... still now. It's been a long rough day, in addition to that I also had an observation this afternoon. So there was no time for decompressing and feeling sick. It sucked... I literally feel like shit. It is awful.... And despite all of this, there are just a few things that aren't adding up in a few areas. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I'm getting a feelings it might just be time to move on...

TCAP death... DAY 1

So today was the first day of TCAP... needless to say it was AWFUL... Our first session we were literally IN THE HALLWAY. Me and two students in the hallway... The 1-2s were running around, stomping on the ground just being generally obnoxious. It stressed me mainly because they freak you out so much about administering the TCAP (aka lose your job, shame, job loss, SHAME) luckily both of my girls finished in enough time and without drama. The second test we took in the CLOSET next to the elevator and the cafeteria.... And did I mention that despite it being in extended time neither girl used it? While we were LOCKED IN A CLOSET.... AHHHHHHHHHHHHH It was literally so hard not to talk to them, not to smile at them... To basically be a robot. I left for lunch having basic not functioning. My brain literally didn't turn on until approximately 1pm.... Ugh... day two tomorrow

A calm monday... how strange..

So today was oddly enough a calm Monday. With a few absences and a math test, the day seemed to progress without the usual insanity that is Monday. The only part of the day that was draining like always was duty... And as Trevor says, "you can't spell Monday without Duty..." haha who knows... Anyways, despite the day being fairly boring, my mind was elsewhere... A lot of things are weighing on my mind.... The best part is though that tomorrow, Wednesday and Thursday I will get to sort everything out while I am watching a few students take the TCAP. Can't you feel my excitement? Its practically tangible right? Yeahhh.... I'm pumped. To be fair it will be fun to just get to think and process my life but for 12 hours this week? YIKES. I'm pretty sure that no subject and no person in my life will be safe from at least 10 minutes of scrutiny at some point ;-) get exciteddddddd

So to sum up last week..

There was a little bit of everything... Stanley interviews and taking a child to the principal's because you know, I suck, to having a breakdown about my curriculum unit, it was a long freaking week. On tuesday when I had to go to the principals office despite the fact that this wasn't my first visit taking a child it was definitely really difficult. I had an unexpected run in with emotions and guilt. It was definitely hard for me but Trevor was great and talked me through it. It was a great bonding session between us because we both had a tough last 40 minutes of school just separately. Wednesday was a blur of interviews and other crazy things. The end of the week went by in a blink with a hiccup of trying to figure out how to get a job with DPS. I was trying to finish one lesson from my curriculum unit and this girl who I totally adore just was frustrating me. I reminded her of one of the expectations and instead of saying oh yeah thanks for reminding me she flipped out at me. It just totally broke me down because I'm already feeling insecure about my project since we haven't gotten to any of the fun stuff yet and it just seems difficult. I know I'm pushing the kids in different directions then they have gone before but seriously... They need to give me a chance! Ugh, I'm trying so freaking hard... This week we'll finish up that lesson, do our science lesson and finally our art project.... I'm praying that it will get better and that the kids will figure out the fun things we will get to do now that the hard boring stuff is (almost) out of the way!

Sometimes it's nice without the kids...

I KNOW THAT IS AWFUL TO SAY... But give me a minute to explain. Today was a planning day and after a meeting about some potential changes to our school WE PLAYED WII DANCEEEEEEEEEEE..... As in the 30 teachers from the school JAMMING to WII dance and absolutely getting sweaty and laughing. It was so much fun, I really loved it. There were really only 2 downers. The first being that after 2 days of snowboarding and working out yesterday, my body hurts. But giving that I love dancing and being silly I was obviously ALL over it. The other downer was a comment made by a teacher who I have had little to no interaction with. Our last discussion about the changes potentially occurring was to make the school a "teaching" school and to just get rid of the whole BP/ contemporary thing. This teacher spoke about the fact that she had a student teacher as well but that it wasn't acknowledged in any way. We, Stanley interns, felt bad. I mean I had NO idea that the girl in this teacher's classroom was a student teacher, I thought she was a para. And I KNOW I wasn't the only one who thought that. So it was awkward because we all felt really bad but at the same time the road goes two ways and this girl/ teacher had just gotten annoyed instead of seeing it as an opportunity to make changes.... Anyways so later during the dance party after some of us interns had given up and instead were watching our mentors dance, this teacher made a comment about us "going above and beyond the other interns" and to keep dancing.... It in my mind was not only a rude comment but an unnecessary comment. Part of being a teacher is understanding that everyone works at different paces and those of us who had stopped dancing were either sore (read: ME) or were just enjoying watching our mentors. AND THAT IS OK.. There is nothing wrong with any of that!

Anyways, Trevor and I spent most of the day just hanging out in our classroom grading work, checking in homework and just enjoying ourselves. We went out to lunch which is a rarity for us and just generally had so much fun. As weird as it was, it was oddly calm and just fun. I felt like Trevor and I were able to just hang out and just enjoy each other. He's a really cool guy and I'm glad I get to learn from him. I'm a little nervous to start doing report cards with him but oh well. Every part of this year is learning and I'm trying my best to learn all I can from every situation.

My day with Ms. Gedvilas!

So for switch day numero dos I got to spend the day with my soon to be sister in law Leigh! I must be honest in that going into this Leigh has been what I imagine a really close to perfect teacher is. And part of that is simply my sisterly love for her and the other part of it is because I've often seen the hard work that she puts in. So needless to say I was nervous to be around this perfect idea in my head. It didn't help that I got a little lost on my way to her school. When I got there and settled in, I realized something so cool, that Leigh really is an amazing teacher. Her ability to manage a classroom of 25 some odd little kinder babies truly left me speechless a few times. Since it has been a little while since I spent time with that age group I was honestly intimidated by the kids. However, the wonderful little community that Leigh has created welcomed me with open arms. Leigh is an incredibly thoughtful teacher, from the pictures on the walls of the Alphabet with the kids to the schedule with little moving breaks, she truly has thought of everything. I also loved how many elements of BP were infused into the classroom. I felt at home in B108 despite not having ever (shamefully) been there before. At the end of the day the kids were so cute in asking me to come back and visit again. I desperately wish I could!

One of the many lessons I learned from visiting is that the little mini-communities that teaching creates are fairly similar and that good teachers make good classrooms. I have been fortunate enough to see so many good teachers and Leigh is definitely one of them. Her patience and understanding of her students was so clear. She could tell when they were getting antsy and would simply play a song and have them dance it out. Leigh is truly a gifted and skilled teacher. The students are so luck to have such a thoughtful and caring person leading their little group. I hope that someday I can be as good a teacher as she is.....

Dearest Leigh, thank you thank you thank you again. I am blessed to have you in my life for so many reasons AND because you'll be my go to person next fall when I am alone in the classroom and terrified!

Valentine's day is for teachers... AND teaching...

So yesterday I was really pumped about the big V day despite the single status mainly because I knew the kids would make the day super awesome. AND I WAS RIGHT. The valentines cards made for each other and for the teachers were adorable and awesome and so incredibly sweet. Except when it isn't. One valentine I received really gave me reason to pause. It said, "Ms. Emily, I have never known a teacher to be mean and strict at the same time!" Oh yeah, with the exclamation point and all. Now honestly, I was a little shocked mainly because I'm not mean. Seriously, I could be really mean but I'm really nice to these kids, partially because I still feel like we barely know each other and partly because I am a little afraid of the parents. That's totally honest. So when I got this I was like WTF. Trevor said that I should just take it in stride and understand that it is a complement somehow... But that didn't sit well with me. Because if we were totally honest, it did hurt my feelings, even if it was just a little. So I had a conversation with the girl who sent it to me... A " I just want to give you a little feed back on your valentine, it hurt my feelings a little bit. I'm not sure you meant to do that but it did come out that way" kind of conversation. Thinking we would move on from there the end of school came and I was ready to have my "single girl at home" valentines when the phone rang. It was the girl's mother. She wanted to talk about the whole valentine issue because it appeared as though the girl had not shared the whole story of what was on the valentine so she was up in arms. When informed it appeared as though this would be an unintentional teaching moment for this girl. I guess the girl was afraid of repercussions despite my saying that I just wanted to give her feed back and that was all. She felt so awful that she wanted to write me a new valentine which I was surprised at..... End Part One

Part Two: is that the next day, the girl seemed a little tentative of me. I was trying to wipe the slate and move past the whole thing but it seemed she wasn't quite ready. Knowing she was going to give me the apology valentine without pushing it I was, I must admit, a little apprehensive and ready for it! Finally after snack recess I was handed a scroll like letter with a red ribbon tied around it. I waited to read it, respecting her need for it to be a moment between us. When I read the letter I was actually a little impressed and still kind of confused. The letter read: "Ms. Emille Im sorry the valentine i gave you was so negative. sometimes im in deep thought and end up writing things i dont mean to. I meant to say strict (as in firm) and still fun and nice. i was very confused when you said wyou were offended (because i thought i had said firm and still fun and nice) and told my mom what had happened and she called mr. trevor, he told my mom i had wrote strict and mean. right now or any other time ive upset someone i go home and hid in a corner crying, because my goal is the EXACT opposite of what i sent to you. im really sorry about what came out in my writing and hope that your velntines day is still the way you expected and that it wasn't a bit worse after reading the negative and mistaken note i gave you. signed by the girl with a heart"

Part three: Today(Thursday) was GREAT.... It was like we had completely moved past the issue, and in fact had formed a deeper bond... So I'm seeing the whole thing as an awesome success and recognizing that sometimes being totally honest/ transparent with the kids is the best thing... It feels totally scary and terrifying but it's SO worth it because in this case, the girl now knows that I am in her corner. So alls well that ends well in love and war and teaching ;-)

Hi hi hi

I know, I've been awful again. To catch you up life has been crazy and fun! Thursday was stressful because we had our papers due and blah blah blah... On friday I had another observation which was good and really fun. We kicked off our non-fiction writing unit by reading about sea creatures in the morning then in the afternoon the kids did more research on an animal they are interested in. It was really fun to see what the kids were interested in and the ones who struggled to find balance. Today the kids were all jazzed up about valentine's day... I obviously am not haha.... I mean, who knows... It's another day... A little but of affection from the kids... I'll let you know how it goes...

Ouch.

So today, after an awesome meeting with Trevor where I left feeling with it and excited about our upcoming activities I applied for my first job. I felt so excited about it and really looking forward to hearing from these people. This school gave me the tingles, gave me good juju and made me want to just jump for joy. But life being life, the match was not made in educational heaven as I had hoped. Rejection. Let's just say it sucked. A little part of me felt heartbroken... ok let me be honest... a pretty big part of me felt that way. This is where having a strong family background and source of strength behind me really came in handy. I let myself feel the sad and acknowledge that this was a blow. But like all the times I have been rejected by high schools, colleges and whatever else I picked myself back up and got my giggles back on. This is just a little stumble on the train of life and I have every intention of continuing forward at full speed. The fact of the matter is that I'm 23, motivated and set on what I want my life to be, and I'm ready to start now. Those are both strengths and weaknesses and I intend on using them to my advantage every chance I get. Bring it on world... I'm ready for ya



PS song of the week: again, the lovely Adele "Turning Tables".... Adele... amazing...

Next time I'll be braver, I'll be my own savior...
I won't let you close enough to hurt me, no I won't ask you, just to desert me....

Did I mention I didn't have work yesterday?

Yeahhhhh that happened... Not long after I wrote on thursday DPS (Denver Public Schools) posted that they closed schools for friday in anticipation of the incoming "snopacolypse". Let me tell you how it all went down. Emily, fellow intern and twin, texts : "we don't have school tomorrow!" I respond "What??" I quickly look at the DPS website where an article was posted saying school was canceled. I proceed to scream, my roommate Mariana, who also works in DPS also starts to scream. There was a little happy dancing and then suddenly, silence. We watched the snow falling out our porch window and thought, hmm, yes this is nice. See here's the reality: teachers love snow days too. And yes, I will admit I was a little sad about the fact that the aquarium was post-poned but here's the best part. I got a 3 day weekend AND get to go to the aquarium still since we just have to reschedule it! WOOT WOOT.... So I spent yesterday doing all the sluggish stuff I usually do on saturdays aka de-compress life time and woke up today to be my usual sunday productive self. I have officially finished my first job application and plan to apply on monday morning... It's terrifying but also so cool knowing that I'm sending myself out into the real world and now, its just time to keep fingers crossed!! Send me luckkkkkkkkkkk xoxoxoxo

I'm a little scared...

I'll be honest, as the impending future looms I begin to wonder if I really will be able to implement all the things I've learned in these past months. I mean don't get me wrong, practicing things everyday helps, but I wonder when I'm alone if I'll be able to keep it up. I feel like I need another intern year in order to really have it all down. I'm prepared but also scared... I guess part of what I will get is that when I'm in my own classroom I really will have it all together. In other news... SNOW SNOW SNOW.... I'm very torn because we have a field trip planned for the aquarium tomorrow. We're also expecting 10-22 inches of snow... Which do I want more... snow day or aquarium... UGH SO HARD I HAVE NO IDEAAAAA

Stay Away from me....

no wait... I need help.... That was a conversation I had today with a child. This boy and I have struggled to get along... To put it lightly.He is my patience tester.... In math today this boy was getting particularly annoyed with me since I was reminding him of the expectations for the meeting area. Needless to say it was frustrating, and I almost broke down. But awesomely enough, I worked through it. This child is so upset that he has to be angry and mean to everyone, even people want the best for him. I do have to say though, I can understand people who give up on things. I feel beaten down everyday after math. Unlike those other people though, I find a little thing to focus on that makes me happy. I think about it, and I just let my anger and my annoyance that is generated by this child to just melt away. My annoyance today was just mainly generated by his ping pong like desire to have me check his work and approve his math. I mean either you want my help or you don't. However, I guess my insistent, "i am a teacher in this classroom and you just have to deal with that" actually got into his head. Tomorrow is another day and I will fight again to make a difference in his life but DAMN is it hard sometimes.

Respector and RESPECT.

Yes those are two different things. The first is the story from Friday. Respector is a horse that roams the halls of Steele indicating which classrooms in the building that goes above and beyond the call of respective duty. In order to earn the Horse a class must earn 5s in all of the specials (5 points is best) throughout the week. We had been doing very well all week and we knew we were in the running for it. At the end of the day we were celebrating one kid’s birthday when suddenly over the loudspeaker it was announced. WE HAD WONNNNN It was totally nuts!!! The kids were screaming and it was utter insanity. Then the horse was delivered and literally ALL hell broke loose… Needless to say it was a fun reward to the kids.
Now the second part, Respect, is something I’m now starting to struggle with. I’m realizing now that the kids here recognize that I’m an intern. And instead of wanting to share their learning and help me they triangulate Trevor and myself… Or they lie to me. I have a huge problem with dishonesty and don’t tolerate it. My kids think they can get away with it because I’m an intern and have to go running to Trevor to fight my battles. Which isn’t the case. I can fight my own battles, and I can defend whatever I need to. It’s just tiring because I feel like the bad guy all the time… It’s like good guy- bad guy copish and I want to work around it. The other problem is the “if I walk away from Ms. Emily I don’t have to listen to her.” It’s SO FRUSTRATING. I feel like a dumbass following the kids around trying to get them to listen to me but at the same time I need them to understand whatever it is that I’m trying to tell them… UGH! Any help, I’m all ears!

Science!

So I wanted to update you guys on my attempts of being a science teacher... Now I know my brother is the science kid in the fam but I must say I've taken this chemistry project on and am doing really well!!! On Tuesday we added our mysterious (kind of) white powders to water to see how they would react. As you can see in the picture the set up was 5 cups with water and then small stirrers to add the powders. It was cool to see how the kids got so into it. It definitely renewed my love of science! Today we did the opposite! We added water droplets to the powders already on the table. In this picture you can see the kids looking at (well, their hands) the difference... It was so cool to start to see their own interests spark. I loved at the end when I asked them to share something cool that they noticed that happened and at least 8 hands shot up... 8/26 doesn't seem like a lot but it felt awesome to me. The next picture is something cool that one group discovered with cornstarch... They created a glue-like substance that held the stir stick up at a vertical... It was NUTS. The video, I was only planning on taking videos but a boy, we'll call Dave, wanted me to take a video. Now it should be noted that he first explained to me how to take a video on my phone (I mean really... kid, I'm not incompetent but still, it was a student becomes teacher moment) You can hear on the video their description of what happened. The only frustrating part came in the post lab debrief... I asked the kids to write in their notebooks two things. The first being a reflective score on a 4 point scale of how they were during the lab and second to write a comparing sentence describing the control drop and one of the 5 powders reaction to having water added. One student really protested and even got into an argument with me about having to write that and why it was important. Claiming "she had already done this and didn't have to show me what she knew." Needless to say it was annoying... but in the end... I won... duh.

Chinese New Year! And Math…

So the day started out with a writing prompt then we got to celebrate Chinese New Year! One of the girls in our class was adopted from China and she, every year, shares this 2-week celebration with her class. Her mom brought in posters for us to copy, books for us to read, dragon puppets for us to model making, and the best part, food for us to eat! All of these awesome things to bring us good luck in this, the year of the dragon! Now being a dragon in the year of the dragon, as I am, is supposedly awesomely great good luck so I’m thinking positively and thinking this will be an awesome year for me! I hope that this year brings all of you good luck as well!

We then went to recess where I proceeded to play 4-square with some of my boys from math and they LOVED IT! We had a blast and I think I’ve almost gotten the hang of this wild game… that is, assuming tomorrow they don’t change the rules on me … Which who knows, they probably will. I came back from recess feeling pumped for math, a little sweaty but overall happy. This is where things went downhill. The boy in my math class, let’s call him George, is a patience tester. I often ask god for more patience to deal with this child but I think today I lost it. He knows when he is doing something wrong and then pushes past that level. He refuses to acknowledge my authority despite my doing everything Trevor says I need to and to be totally honest I’m exhausted by him. I just continue to hope that everyday he will suddenly surprise me and be different.

Boredom

So we’re sitting here in PD learning how to get trained for Schoolnet LEAP in terms of technology. LEAP stands for Leading Effective Academic Practice and LEAP helps schools in the DPS system better schools and teachers. Each school picks a LEAP goal that all the teachers will work towards in the hopes of improving student achievement. Of course as I’m typing this the woman presenting just defined it as a “system of accountability and support that leads to increased student achievement” so turns out my memory from last week’s conversation is correct… WOOT WOOT There are two areas of focus for this support/accountability “school focus” and “personal focus” There are ratings 1-7 with 7 being “you’re so amazing holy cow” and 1 being “wow, you should work on this!!” A lot of what she’s telling us about is our PGP or professional growth plan. Well that seems easy to me: my PGP (if you will) is getting a job. Plain and simple.

…a few minutes later…

I noticed it just resumed snowing and I’d like to take a moment to appreciate this awesome state that I live in. Having lived in 2 other states and 1 other country I’m realizing how glad I am that I’ve moved home. Sure it hasn’t been the easiest adjustment and I’m continuously being assured by others (and myself) that it will get better I can’t help but be happy. I love Colorado snow. It’s awesome and makes every bone in my body jump with excitement! The other cool thing is that I now have windows to look out of and that’s even more awesome.

Today will be described in 3 parts...

I will describe today in 3 parts mainly because it feels more natural to do so. As you read you'll understand why.. I promise

Section 1: Disrespect.

Ok so I get the fact that I'm new in these kids lives but I am supposed to be an authority figure and they should respect me. This one boy in my math section... will end up prematurely aging me. I mean jeezeee I already feel 25 :-). It's funny because last semester as awful as the kids sometimes were they never treated me poorly. There have been moments where I can feel myself tense up or stress up because they are so mean to me. It's the idea that because I'm an intern I'm not really a teacher or an authority figure and that's not the case. Sure I joke about when I grow up or become an adult but to these kids I need to be. So I'm trying to be strict and rule enforcing so that they will respect me. I know I wasn't an angel growing up, but I always tried to (and still try to) treat those older and wiser then me with the respect they deserve. I'm hoping that soon they will come to realize that I am a teacher and as such need to be treated that way.

Section 2: Little moments I teach for.

I had these an awesome moments that reminds me why I love teaching. This boy, who will be called JBiebs, during writing time wanted to share his whole fiction story with me. I recognized as I showed interest he wanted to share more and open up with me more. It was such an awesome bonding moment and he spent the rest of the day trying to engage me in other things or parts of the day. Later in the day, as we were walking downstairs to go home suddenly both of my hands were being held. Confused I looked down to find two girls in my class holding my hands and smiling up at me. I smiled and felt totally loved. Despite some struggles with some kids (re:above) I live for moments like these two because it shows how (i'm going to sound cocky I know) much of an impact I make on kids.

Section 3: The value of the people in your life.

So after school during a meeting on DRA (reading assessment) training Emily came in (being awesome she’s already well versed in DRAs) and looked totally frazzled. She told us about how her car had broken down and she needed a ride/help. I jumped up to help her since Em is my closest friend in the program given that we spent all semester across the hall together and working on basically everything together. We were (as I’m sure you remember) the tow 5th grade interns at Tollgate, co-leaders on our school trip to Buena Vista, and just generally together all the time. She said her car had run out of oil and just needed a ride to put oil in her car. So we drove in my car over to her car and began to put the oil in. Knowing how fickle cars are I told her I would just follow her for a little bit to ensure it was running well. Emily started up her car and literally seconds later both of our minds were blown. All the oil we had just worked on putting in her car came pouring out, like the faucet running full blast pouring out. It was hands down one of the wildest things I’ve ever seen. So needless to say, we both were baffled and scrambling to come up with plan B. While we attempted to work through this (calling my dad, her mom, AAA, chevy medved… ya know the usual people) I had this thought of, this is a crazy fun adventure. Sure it was scary but we made it work and as it turns out, Emily's car is only mildly damaged!! It will be saved after all! I loved this insane adventure and it made me realize how important it is to spend energy on the people you love, trust and want to spend time with. At times life may seem incredibly long and difficult but it is my belief that when you surround yourself with people who make all the moments, good and bad, go by quickly, life is fast and perfect. Those people make the days speed by and the seasons change so remember to take a few minutes and enjoy those people.... no matter the circumstance.

Regular day...

I suppose today is what you call a normal day in my new hood. No major dramas, no bloody noses, nothing totally outrageous... The only funny part of the day was when our principal realized that Emily and myself have the same name and would need to define the difference between us. The cool part of the day was the fact that we had a parent who apparently comes in every week to help with math. It's nice to have an extra body in the room and shows how important it is to bring parents into the classroom in any capacity. The only thing that is kind of hard is that I left school at 5... So I guess that hour I got back from my commute, is now being put into work. And that's totally fine, it's just different. I'm pretty sure this next week is a total re-adjustment in my life. I'm loving the kids so much, they're totally adorable... Anyways, off to bed... night night :-)

Friday Funday

So friday was really fun... Trevor has brought this idea of "express yourself" into the classroom where on fridays the kids get to be creative, not just in the arts, but in the classroom. I really love this idea and definitely plan to implement it in my own classroom when the time comes. Our EY (express yourself) this week was to make comics what happened in the classroom while the 5th graders and Mr. T (or Trevor) were gone. They were absolutely HILARIOUS.... I mean, literally every different kind of story you could think of the kids wrote... I LOVED them! I can't wait to start thinking of fun EY activities!!! As the day progressed I tried really hard to be myself with the kids so that we could get used to each other. I know that I'm going to do things differently than Mara and that will be hard for the kids to adjust to but I'm hoping that they accept my differences with open arms as I will accept their differences. The one that is a glaring difference is the fact that I will often say "my friends" when trying to get their attention and they are totally not used to that... So we'll see how that goes...

Farts, hot sub, beer at seminar and songs about poop!!

If I didn't get your attention yet...well, then I failed you!!! So first thing first... I have a hot sub... Trevor is gone with the 5th graders so I got to spend my days with the 3rd and 4th graders. It was totally awesome while absolutely nerve-racking at the same time... I mean I barely know these kids... How will we survive together?? Knowing it was a half day with the kids I tried to be really pumped up for it, but honestly I was a little scared. The day started out great, the 3rd and 4th graders were fun and totally supportive of my nerves. Now we were going around sharing when suddenly... a loud noise happened across the circle and all the kids made a funny face. Body humor will do that to little kids... I mean, sure, body humor is funny and wonderful but its also a part of life and I have little to no tolerance for it. I mean hello, my favorite book is "Everyone poops" so I was trying to get the kids to get over the fart... until I realized that the smell was coming closer and closer to me... Every kid who smelled that particular fart made an AWFUL face and looked genuinely in pain and when the smell finally reached me I realized why. It was the worst smell everrrrrr and I obviously was trying to not laugh and react too but man oh man. It was hilarious, and I worked very hard to bring the kids back to focus without showing my own reaction. The next thing I should really mention was the fact that Trevor's sub, Arthur, who was hot. Yes, I said it, I had a hot sub. It was great. So I left for seminar not 100% faithful in Arthur since it was in fact, his first day subbing, but pretty excited about having a good day with the kids. I mean, really only a few minor bumps, no crazy stories. At seminar we had to give our presentations on our storyboards on play. One group went above and beyond the call of duty and made beer... I wasn't in their presentation group so I don't understand how it exactly mixed in but man, it was a nice little change in our regular seminar routine. However, that little cup of beer somehow led to songs about poop in our final seminar, which was about using music in the classroom. Now, as most of you know, (or at least I hope you know) that I love music and will take any excuse to sing or perform or whatever so I loved this one. We were broken down into smaller groups to write songs and one group wrote a song about constipation to the tune of "Joy to the World"... It was hands down the most AWESOME thing I've encountered and I will now post it for you to enjoy:


My stomach hurts
I have to poop
It's stuck inside my butt
I strained and strained and strained
I almost popped a vein
I pushed witha ll my might
It put up quite a fight
Next time I'll take some laxatives....


Joy to the World
I took a poop
It came out big and bright
It almost filled the bowl
I flushed it down the hole
It swirled and swirled and swirled
It kind of rocked my world
How did I get filled with so much crap

New Leaf... New School... New Kids

Dear Mara,

The kids of 202 miss you dearly! However, I think that they and I will get along just wonderfully!

Well needless to say this semester will be very different from last semester... for many reasons. The first being the obvious: it is physically in a different place! I have literally a 5 minute commute! I cannot wait to start riding my bike!! The next being, yesterday morning the PTA supplied breakfast for us teachers and it was AMAZINGGGGG! It was a huge spread and deliciousness that my inner fat kid obviously loved. It was a very pleasant surprise! The next thing that is totally different is... well, I'm working in hogwarts! Steele is this cool mix of staircases, twists and turns and unexpected surprises all over and I will have fun figuring it all out. This morning when I woke up, I was full a strange mix of emotions. I was nervous, excited, ambivalent, confused, scared... well you get the idea. It was funny knowing that despite feeling like I was pretty solidly getting a grasp on life, I'm starting over again. There are 29 kids whose names I need to learn, a new mentor whose rhythms I need to learn and more importantly, a new community I need to create for myself. I am confident I will be able to do all of those things, but I can't lie... I miss my tollgate babies. They were in the back of my mind all day and I know they will always be in my heart as my first non-preschool class. The next thing that struck me as hugely different was when we passed "it" (it is a GIRL frog that the kids pass in order to speak) around to share exciting things that happened during break... The responses were " I got a nintendo Ds", "I got a nintendo DS 3D", " I got an iPad"... you get the idea. It was just so different from last semester where I was constantly reminded to thank my lucky stars for everything. It's not bad, it's just different. I am confident that I will come to love these kids just as much as I did the other, its just the hard part of this job. Kids stealing your hearts and then leaving your life, its just the way it goes. I’m just maybe not quite ready for that… at all. I’m really excited for this crazy adventure… Trevor is super cool and I’m really looking forward to working with him… As crazy as it is… IS IT TOMORROW YET???? I’m ready to get into the swing of things! To get to know the kids better and to just begin this fun adventure! I’m ready I’m ready I’m ready!

The long awaited end...

Well, at least of this part of the story… LUCKILY there is still one whole semester to go before I get to become a teacher all in my own right. I’ll be honest; when I arrived at work this morning I was all over everywhere with my emotions. I knew that my one advantage is that I have worked with kids before and I have survived. The day started off feeling mildly frantic but once it got sorted, aka the kids went off to art, it was ok. We had planned to have a “holiday going away party” for the afternoon so I knew I just had to get to lunch. First mini-goal. And for the most part it was pretty smooth sailing. The kids were great and did all that we asked them to do. They started their word glossaries for their energy (NRG) expedition and for the most part had finished the words we had put up for them…. Now, if I do say so my self... Those words on the wall were definitely some of my best posters to date. I mean, my fossil fuel definition and drawing had dinos and plants UNDER GROUND being brought up… It was pretty awesome. Anyways, when lunch rolled around my feelings of readiness were re-affirmed when a comment was made about my personality. See here’s the thing, pretty much since I figured out that I wasn’t one of the “regular” or “popular” kids I’ve been forced to become comfortable in my own skin. It’s hard sometimes, and it definitely makes it so that my feelings get hurt but the truth of the matter is… I am who I am. Being who I am makes me happy. People, who cannot recognize that I will give 150% to everything no matter what, simply don’t understand me and obviously aren’t trying to understand me. Sure, sometimes I get loud, and sometimes I get really excited over little things but those are exceptionally positive things about me and I have learned to appreciate that. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I always will because I am always myself, no matter who I am with. I once had a teacher who called me “loud Emily”, an endearing nickname in its intentions but really it hurt my feelings. Why should my passion for something which is exemplified in louder speaking tones be punished? Shouldn’t my excitement be praised and acknowledged instead of squashed and destroyed? I am who I am. Nothing and no one can change that. The people in my life who love and appreciate those qualities are the ones who I hold dear because they are the ones who want to know me. I won’t say that I’m sorry for being the way that I am

But anyways, enough about me… Let’s get back to the kids. So after lunch Scott had me running around making these silly copies of an activity packet for the kids, which I thought, was because we were going to do them but in reality he needed to talk to them about me. Sneaky sneaky right? So after that sneakiness we got the “party” started. There were cupcakes, takis, pizza and many other delicious (and obviously nutritious) snacks. When all the kids had finished we then listened to Mr. A read Oh the Places You’ll Go… The book was my present from Scott and the kids. I have always loved this book for many different reasons but this time around hearing those words hit me in a different way than I imagined. Dr. Seuss does a great job of reminding you that sometimes life gets a little bit harder, and not everything will go your way. Sometimes you will be stuck in the mud and have to trudge for days… and that’s ok because someday the sun will shine again! The kids had all signed the inside of the book for me and I will always cherish that book, always.
Next we sat in a crew circle so that the kids could say something to me about me... At this point in time Scott had one of the kids give me a Kleenex box. But to be honest, I wasn’t sure I would need them. The kids were so sweet and so thoughtful, but them thanking me for helping them with math didn’t seem to hit me nearly as hard as everyone seemed to expect. My gift of teaching seemed so insignificant compared to the wonderful and amazing gifts that the kids have given me. The kids were adorable and I was quite intrigued by the different “thanks” from them. For some of the kids, its seemed as if once they thanked me for one thing the floodgates opened and they had to thank me for every interaction. For others they sat quiet, watching me; and for still others sat just looking bored. Next the kids were very excited to “finally” give me my gift. My gift was a book containing letters from all the kids. They were absolutely hilarious and have some of the funniest quotes I’ve ever read in my life. (I put a few at the end of this post) When I read them all after school they definitely had me laughing and crying… It was practically like watching your favorite Rom Com… Laughter, tears, laughter… The best combination of anything. After we finished with that we just started to play... We played a few of the kid’s favorite games and just generally enjoyed ourselves. It was great, the perfect way to end the semester. When the bell rang, it was 22 (two students were absent) wonderful hugs, and basically the part where I definitely cried. Actually realizing those were the last moments I would have with the kids hit my heart so hard. Now I had agreed to nanny later that night for some family friends and knowing that I had to leave my sadness and give those two girls all of my excitement was absolutely daunting. All I wanted to do was go home, hang out with my dad, have a beer and just go to sleep…. After all, what else do you do when 24 little parts of your heart are broken off? I know that this is a part of the job and that every year new students will steal my heart away but man… This is one heartache I was not prepared for at all.