I suppose I should share the good news....

On Monday I got a job! I was thankful enough to be offered a para position in a 5th grade classroom with a wonderful teacher at Steele! I'm so grateful and so happy. I'm looking forward to all of the fun adventures ahead and I'm positive that this will be another great year. It is amazing and a sign that working hard and praying for things means they often come to truth.... There are many people still out there looking for jobs and we must still send positive thoughts and feelings in their direction.... Happy Weekend! xox

Yesterday I took some big risks...

No I didn't get a tattoo or a piercing, instead I took some huge leaps of faith in other areas. In the morning I went to a lecture/conference on the design thinking process or theory. Design thinking is a new way of creating curriculums and it was SO interesting! Did I mention the only person I "knew" there I've only exchanged emails and 1 phone call with? Did I mention it was at the Colorado league of Charter Schools, a place I've never been? Did I mention I was shaking as I walked in? Well All of those were true. I was recommended to go to this by one of my UCD professors who is also founding a new school here in Denver. As tends to happen with risk taking, I absolutely LOVED(!!) every minute! It was thought provoking and made me realize that so much of my training with Stanley is just good teaching and forward moving teaching. The best part? I got a card from a principal! Needless to say, I was on a total high. Later in the day came part two of my risk taking day. Now when I say wine downs, volunteering, mountain retreats and pearls do you think of the junior league? Well you should. As of right now, I am a provisional member of the Denver Junior League and couldn't be more excited. Like kid in a candy store with $100 excited. We had a meeting on the provisional year and expectations and general information last night and I realized how incredibly excited I am to be a part of it! These women are involved in so many creative, giving and fun activities that I literally left hoping we could start right then. Now the crazy thing about this was that I actually didn't know anyone in the room. Not a single person. It was terrifying to walk in, but I did and I had a few wonderful conversations and all I would think was wow, I get to be one of them! The overlying message here is, it's ok to take safe risks. (Safe as in, no one was harmed in my entering a room.) Risks that make your heart rush a little are ok, as long as they are in your "safe" zone. I learned from a friend in the Stanley program that there are 2 rings outside your comfort zone. The first is your safe zone, a place that will allow your comfort zone to grow and expand some and a place that makes you a better person. The second ring outside of that is your "danger" zone. This is the bad place, the "my mind shuts down and my heart seizes" kind of place. Ideally, a person grows their comfort zone by pushing the safe zone door wide open. So go ahead, try something new, jump over the edge... You never know what's waiting for you on the other side.

Rejection, Disappointment and Me... BFF?

Salt in the wound, kick you when you're down, rub some dirt in it... However you'd like to phrase the bottom of the bottom or the low low point is up to you; but I think we can all agree, it sucks. There's nothing worse then the feeling of total loss especially when it's focused on something you love. Well, this moment in time finds me in the bathroom of the Charlotte airport after receiving an email saying that my coaching position had gone to someone else. That someone else being the person who got the social studies job I had applied for earlier this year... Double ouch right? As you can imagine my low point was low. I mean I was literally crying in a bathroom stall... Not pretty at all. I think the rejection hit me first when I realized, once again, I hadn't gotten a job I wanted, and unfortunately, that is my recent norm. Just when I thought I had managed my feelings of rejection by reminding myself that I will find something better, more suited for me, I got the wind knocked out again. That's right, the disappointment came swooping in. Being totally honest, I was beyond excited to be coaching. I even have a notebook that I've been filling with ideas for practice and corner plays. This loss hurt. Hurt not just my pride but my heart. When I realized I had been reduced to this moment of pain, I did the totally natural thing to fix it. I quickly plugged my headphones into my phone and blasted Lady Gaga. While getting my groove back I realized something, rejection and disappointment are building blocks to better things. They are in fact, only temporary fixtures in my life. I will make it, I said to myself again and again over You and I. I'm saying this with as light a heart as possible considering that lately, these two concepts seem to be my new best friends. I got dumped by text message, my job went to someone else, field hockey won't be in my life full time AGAIN and did I mention I'm moving back into my parents house? These aren't exactly the makings of the "awesome" 20s years I had originally envisioned BUT there is light at the end of my tunnel. I'm alive, I'm healthy and despite what my inbox says, I'm loved. Above all, I am blessed. Sure, all these knocks down aren't great but I know that I'll survive. Not everything in life comes easily and some things require a little fight. This is my life test I think, my test of survival. It won't be easy, and I'm expecting to fight a lot but aren't all the good things in life worth fighting for? I won't be fighting alone by any means, I have a great family, solid friends and most importantly, iTunes to get me when I'm needing to drown it all out. So rejection and disappointment, I dismiss your friendship status with me. Instead I'm signed up to push forward and prove that despite many disappointments and rejections, I made it. Certainly not over night, but someday I'll look back at that bathroom stall and laugh. I'll be able to say, everything from there was up... Until then, I'll board my flight back to Denver and begin the uphill battle.

Expectations and Life

So I know it's been a while since I posted and its mainly due to the fact that right after school was over I started taking classes and things just got out of control. To update you, I did very well in both of my summer classes BUT still don't have a job. As of now, my plan is coaching a middle school field hockey team and taking classes full time. I'm looking forward to it! Coach Detmer here I come! In terms of expectations, I lately have been thinking about them a lot. Expectations are a huge part of life, and like it or not they creep into most areas of our lives from jobs, to living to family, friends and beyond. The tricky part is when those expectations don't match up quite the way you want. Lately, that has been the definition of my life. I've learned a lot of hard lessons and I've had my realities fall very short of my expectations. That's just life. I keep reminding myself of some great advice that I was given, control your controllables. There is a lot I can't control in my life right now and no matter how much I'd like to change something, there's a lot I can't. I'm ready for the next steps, wherever they lead me.

And sooooo the water works begin...

Today I finally gave in and cried about how much I'm going to miss these kids.... We had the presentation of the Steele Stallion awards and that's when I realized how many of the kids at Steele had touched me... Had made me a better teacher AND person... When my student won for the 5th grade, I definitely had some tears rolling down my face. Mainly because his face when he won was just pure excitement, astonishment and joy all at once. I had a flashback in my head of all my days with the kids of 202... They are all so clear in my mind and I'm just so blessed to have spent the past 4 months with them. All of this got worse when the parents showed up at 2:50 with flowers and a thank you note... I burst into tears and just fought myself to hold it together. I DREAD Thursday/ Friday with the goodbyes to both the interns and the kids... I am not ready for this year to be over in any way.... I need a serious life break because it is going WAYYYYY too fast for me right now. No way am I ready for June... NO NO NO NO NO ....mature I know

When the simplest thing can turn it all around

So I haven't been having the greatest of mid-weeks... I don't want to go into details but let's just say that a lot has been weighing on my mind that isn't school or job search related. After leaving seminar early today and working through some of what has been going on, I headed over to my parents house for a little debrief and hang time. When I got there I had two letters from my sister in law and my soon to be sister in law. One was a thank you note for my baby shower gift and one was an invitation to be a bridesmaid... Let me tell you, I literally burst into tears because I felt so loved by these two women. It was so nice to just have something nice and happy happen. Silly, but sometimes its just a little thing like a kind thank you note that makes it all a little bit better.

BREAKING NEWS.... I'm not perfect!

It's shocking to all of you I know to learn that I am not perfect. It's totally true, and sometimes hard to grasp. I'll explain how it happened today. It was my last observation and I was presenting the book poster project that we are getting started on. As I am presenting it to the class I suddenly read the following phrase, "Quidditch, a scene from Harry Potty" Yes, you read that right, Harry Potty. I think it's because I was thinking about the fact that I needed to go to the bathroom before class and I was quickly scribbling that phrase. And yes, sometimes (or always) I call the bathroom potty in my real life... Oddly not in my teaching life. When I noticed it the kids burst into giggles and I couldn't help but laugh with them... I had honestly missed that error. Needless to say I learned two valuable lessons: 1) I'm not perfect (damn) and 2) DOUBLE CHECK YOUR WORK BEFOR EYOU PRESENT ITTTTTTTTTTT